Pure Energy

THE BOOK I AM PREGNANT OF

2010-05-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

I have started to write my book this morning.

Something has happened in this last week that has deeply upset my life for a few days at the point that I have almost decided to stop writing. Then I thought whatever happens in your life, there is always a good reason, find it and work on yourself.

I must say, it is not an easy task. The natural inclination is to blame others, our life and the unfortunate destiny. But what about our responsibility? Becoming aware of the responsibility we hold in every single event happening in our life is freedom from the burden of feeling stuck and powerless. So I realized that I had to put into practice what is purely knowledge and wisdom.

All of a sudden I realized that I was postponing the pleasure of starting writing my book for the inner fear of not succeeding oh gosh how can you fill in hundreds of pages? Finding daily excuses just to be busy and not to sit in front of my computer, face to face with my everlasting dream of being a writer.

So this morning I sat and started writing.

My intent is to write letting the flow of my story and feelings go on and on. I do not know where I am going to land and how, but I have told myself not to judge my writing until the book is finished. I will not let the Censor be the dictator of my life and pull me down. That is my life, I take the responsibility to LIVE IT.

I had the inspiration for this story in August last year, while I was spooning the most exquisite pulses soup to my family it is winter in South Africa, we have lots of hot soups… it was like a lightning on a summer day: unexpected. I started to cuddle the idea, to nurture the inspiration but I was still far from the action of sitting and writing. You know the idea of realizing something is harmless; the action of realizing the idea can be harmful. At least I was using this “philosophy” as excuse to avoid coming into action.

Till the accident occurred few days ago. This accident led me to think I want to stop writing and do something more “useful” in life; I was about to give up. But this morning I just sat and started to write. I looked at the computer screen with tender love and thought hi there, I am here. We are going to spend quite a long time together, I am sure we’ll be friends. I will not judge you and you won’t judge me. We’ll be supporting each other with love and care.

After I wrote the beginning of the book, I had to be back to my motherhood’s duty of fetching the kids from school, bringing them to swim, going to the supermarket, fetching my boy after the soccer match, healing his wounds, checking on the homework and on the piano practice, baking pizza for dinner yeah, that was tonight’s menu and putting them into bed before sitting again, in front of my lap top, to write this post.

But today, I did all this feeling in love…I was deep in though and cheerful like when you are in love for the first time in your life.

I realized that I had my inspiration exactly nine months ago…The picture is clear now, the book I am pregnant of is ready to be delivered.

Ah…what a joy.

I might be busy in the next future but I will try to keep on reading your posts and writing my blog, keeping you updated on how the baby is growing.

Strong and healthy…

Love&Rainbow

MOTHER'S DAY

2010-05-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

Mother’s Day has just gone by.

I have never been too fond of celebrations which I feel too commercial (sorry I really dislike Valentine’s Day… I cannot help it) but I start to appreciate the importance of being celebrated once a year.

If we take it as a “healthy pit stop” it is really worth while giving time to reflections.

So I did. I took my kids out for lunch and I made the point of my “motherhood career” while having delicious Italian food.

I was asking them what are my best and strong sides and behaviors and what they dislike or feel irritated of. If they don’t tell me, I don’t know…

So, one at the time, they spoke to me.

I felt they struggled in finding the downsides for a simple reason: because children’s love is unconditional. I know where I have to improve and I pointed it out, but they seemed to focus on the positive sides.

Again, another good lesson of Life.

So, half amazed and half comforted I ended up ordering pavlova for everybody and the best espresso for me.

I was spoiled from the morning as they prepared breakfast for me and my small girls wrote nice cards.

I sent messages to my friends and I got back some nice ones that I like to quote:

Happy mother’s day to all the mothers! God made them as he could not be everywhere!

ROOM SERVICE!

Good morning, a special breakfast for you today: a glass of CARE, plate of LOVE, cup of PEACE, a jug of SUPPORT and a big bowl of PRAYERS!

Have a happy Mother’s Day!

A mum has strengths that no one will ever know. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens…she holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid. Her love is unconditional! There is only one thing wrong with her, she sometimes forgets what she is worth! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Beautiful people reflect God in their lives. They think His thoughts, speak His words, and love without end. May you always remain as beautiful a mother as you are! Happy mother’s day

The blessed mother of four children and a woman radiating beauty and goodness all around her. Have a lovely and restful Mother’s Day!

To all our beautiful soul mates, as mothers we applaud and celebrate your love that no one can explain. It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain, it is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may. For nothing can destroy it or take that love away. It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, and it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking…It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns, and it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems… It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanations, and it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation…God bless you all for our evergreen lives. Have a spectacular day

I really had an unforgettable day.

Love & Rainbow

THANK YOU NO. 44

2010-05-04T03:50:00.000-07:00

In the last past few weeks I have struggled in finding my inner voice , the one which has to come out louder, laughing, joyful, childish. The one that makes me see the point of blogging and writing.

I guess it is a physiological way to go through. ok... I accept it, I am human. The bionicle woman exist only in the comics...I guess one of the lessons I have to learn in this life time is to fight for the important things , to stand up for what I believe in; and as there are things which still hurt me deeply I have taken the decision, probably shocking for some of you, to go see in my past lives to see what are the "unsolved issues" that come back into my life.

For those, who like me, believe in the immortality of the soul, the karma and past lives, we all know that we bring strong impressions from our past lives and what we bring in, usually is unsolved issues. So whatever we resist, persist. It is time now to make it clear.

As weird as it might appear, I want to find out, to unfold the knots which still make me feel bound in the wrong way. So, I ll probably go through a past lives regression process soon.

In this big melting pot of controversial feelings, I have also been thinking to stop blogging, purely because I have lost the goal of my inner fire . But today, when I bumped into my blog, I saw a new follower, no. 44 oh wow!!! and this went straight to rekindle a little bit of the lost fire. But it also went to my heart.

Thank to you all but thanks to no. 44 as you are an important number in my life.

Love& Rainbow

WHAT KILLS CREATIVITY?

2010-04-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

I had a sudden thought last night.

One of those simple thoughts that feels “uncomfortable”:

what kills creativity in the human being?

Creativity is pulled down every day of our life, and this is a non recognized crime.

It is the society’s crime based on the principles or pillars of “what is to be done, what is good to do”.

So, our society provides us with pre-built paths of life, which are, according to the common sense, the good ones to follow.

We want for our kids an “established” life, because this is the safest way to go to pay bills, to afford “good education”, to buy a house, to get married, to have a stable job. In all this, we never take care of mind and feelings.

We do not teach our kids how to focus on happiness and how to be a fulfilled being. When we recognize a talent in our child, we immediately put it on a competition level. The child must be no.1!

Then, we just teach them what we were taught. We lack trust in them and we can destroy easily their freedom to express themselves and self-esteem.

So there is no evolution. And worse, we kill the Artist Child in each of us from early age.

Creativity for me, as a broad meaning; I believe we are all creative beings as creativity resides in our Inner Self. We create life, we create our reality, paintings, photos, poems, problems and their solutions. We create every single instant of our life, creativity is a synonym of Life. The thing is that most of us do not acknowledge this power, so it exists like a dormant force, or a negative pole into our daily routine.

And enthusiasm dies. Biologically enthusiasm cannot die before 70 years of age but researches have shown that nowadays it dies at 15 years of age. We have depressed teen agers who will turn into stressed and unsatisfied adults, who will most probably develop some kind of disease sometimes in their lives.

Good to know. But who really knows?

Some people wake up at a certain stage of their life, I am one of those. What we usually do is to deny what makes us happy if it does not “match” with the general rules of society. So we give up writing because it is impossible to publish, we give up painting because it does not pay the school, we give up dancing because it is time to get married and on and on the list can be long.

How many of us are living the lives they really wanted to live? Just because we do not believe in the power of creativity anymore.

We are creative Beings. No one is deprived of creativity, but most of us build up the conviction that we are not.

I like to quote the BASIC PRINCIPLES OF CREATIVITY according to Julia Cameron:

· Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy, pure creative energy.
· There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life, including ourselves.
· When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity in within us and our lives.
· We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.
· Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.
· When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.
· As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.
· It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.
· Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let’s fly high.

Love&Rainbow

MIRACLES

2010-04-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

"MIRACLES ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULES FOR WHICH SCIENCE HAS NOT FOUND ANY LOGICAL ANSWER OR EXPLANATION. A PHENOMENON SUCH AS A FLOWER OPENING IS ALSO A MIRACLE"

H.H.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

I wanted to write a post to celebrate the miracle of Life.

I wanted to express my deep gratitude for every single thing in my life, including my problems, because it is thank to them that I can challenge myself and learn to go through everything with a smile on my face.

It is thank to the OPPOSITES in life that I have learnt to appreciate.

I do not have many words today, so I express it with these photos taken by my daughter.

Love & Rainbow

YUMMY AND SIMPLE

2010-04-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

This is the simple and yummy menu I cooked for Easter.

1.CANNELLINI BEAN BRUSCHETTA

· 1 can of cannellini beans

· 5 fresh tomatoes

· 3 tbsp olive oil

· 1 garlic cloves

· sun dried tomatoes in oil, drained and finely chopped

· 2 tbsp finely chopped rosemary

· salt and ground pepper

· fresh basil leaves to garnish

· Italian-style bread

Put the tomatoes in boiling water for 1 minute, peel them and chop the flesh. Heat the oil in a frying pan, add the fresh and sun-dried tomatoes; crush the garlic clove into the pan and add the rosemary. Cook until the tomatoes are soft; add the cannellini beans to the mixture, season to taste and mix well. Grill the slices of bread and spoon the cannellini and tomato mixture on top of the toast. Drizzle with olive oil and garnish with basil.

HHHmmmm….enjoy it!

2.RIBOLLITA

· 3 tbsp olive oil

· 2 onions, chopped

· 4 carrots, sliced

· 4 garlic cloves, crushed

· 2 celery sticks, thinly sliced

· 4 large courgettes , sliced

· 400 gr. can chopped tomatoes

· 2 tbsp pesto

· 900 ml vegetable stock

· 400 gr. can cannellini or borlotti beans

· salt and ground black pepper

Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onions, carrots, garlic and celery and fry approx for 10 minutes. Add the courgettes and fry for a few more minutes.

Add the tomatoes, the pesto, stock and beans and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat, cover and simmer for at least 30 minutes, till the veggies are tender. Season with salt and pepper.

Grill a couple of slices of Italian-style bread per person, put it on the plate and spoon the vegetable soup on top of the bread. Drizzle with olive oil.

This second dish is typical from Tuscany where they use a specific kind of cauliflower that I have not found here in South Africa. Still this variation is light, healthy and delicious.

In the next post I will write about the trick to make the perfect lasagna and the recipe of my pearl barley salad…

Bon Appetit

SOUTHAFRICAN EASTER

2010-04-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely Easter day at my best friend house.

She lives in a beautiful place in the nature, 10 minutes driving from my home. The way to reach her place is really countryside; it is incredible, in Johannesburg! The road skirts riding schools and horses browse on the meadows like kings of Life, untouched by earthly things and weather. It is a breathless landscape and while I drive to reach the destination I cannot help feeling that time stops and I am in such a state of bliss. I am listening to wonderful acoustic guitar music; the kids are quiet, also captured by the beauty outside. I relax, and although I know I have got to get there, I wish I could stay and whisper in the horses’ ears…

There is a nice smell of homemade cooked food in the car; I have been cooking since early morning for our lunch, not at all the typical Italian dishes that we eat for Easter, but still very Italian. My friend is Portuguese from Mozambique, a very Mediterranean special soul. She’ll be cooking baccalao the national fish dish in Portugal. We reach her property, 10.000 square meters in the nature, with the most incredible view, her golden retriever Rocco running happily to us and her twins, who are 7 and are my youngest daughter’s best friends since we moved to South Africa welcome us saying “ hey guys you know that Limbs has caught and killed the snake?” yes, this is real. We are in Africa, after all. They are talking about the snake that was hiding in the garden; a real spitting African cobra…brrrr I shiver ….. At least we know that today the kids will be able to run for the Easter eggs hunt without risk of meeting the non-invited snake…

So I set out for the kitchen, hmmmm I have the feeling I am going to spend quite a long time in here today but I am so glad I can have a privileged time with my special friend catching up about our busy lives in the kitchen.

How many feelings do we share alone or with the beloved ones in the kitchen? It is such a central place in our nests… So we start having coffee and, after a while, probably a long while, we realize that the other friends will arrive in no longer that half an hour and we still have to cook the vegetarian lasagna and the baccalao! I get my focus back to the béchamel sauce and all the rest, forgetting about the coffee, the dogs, the kids and I feel grateful that I decided to cook half of the things early in the morning. So the sauce for the bruschetta is ready, the ribollita (typical Tuscan vegetable soup) as well, and the barley salad too!!! Phew, they could be hungry! Somehow we manage to get everything ready, the baccalao smells so good but I am vegetarian since January so I’ll give up the pleasure of good champagne and this delicious fish.

Everybody arrives and, as a usual, we’ll be eating much later that we would think, so there is plenty of time to finish cooking and lay down the table with a nice table cloth, candles, small chocolate eggs oh no! I forgot my camera again!

The kids look like real warriors. There are three couples of 7 years old twins (six!) plus my kids and this is so special! But everything goes well, some boys fall into the pool, some others climb the trees, the girls are interested in stealing make up and wearing heels but when the never ending lunch is finished for them they polished their plates in one minute they start waiting for the highlight of the day: the Easter eggs hunt. I can say that the dads have lots of fun in hiding few kg. of chocolate in the huge garden, probably some of this chocolate finds the way of their stomach before finding a quiet corner to hide…

The hunt is like Katrina, the hurricane. And it last 3 minutes. I mean, I was in the kitchen, probably looking for the sugar, and it was OVER! The boys found all the chocolate in such a short time that we have to beg them to share it with the girls. Now the concept of gallantry is really “stinky” for 7 years old dirty and barefoot boys! So what? We appeal to the more popular “sharing is caring” till the moment when the twin sisters of the twin boys decide that it is time to fight.

So they all start running after the boys and, in the general stampede, some of the eggs fall from the boys plastic bags.

Happy warriors girls with the new spoils in their hands. It is time to put on a DVD, something cool and not too exciting.

I look at the landscape and I see the most beautiful sunset. I know this is the sunset that our kids will be enjoying in few years time and I know, again, that we are all ONE.

In the next post I will write about the menu and the recipes !

Bon Appétit

Love&Rainbow

LOVE & LAUGHTER

2010-03-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

I was reading a small book from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s knowledge last night, called POWER OF LOVE. Very easy but yet deep and powerful.

I like to share with you a small chapter, Love & Laughter, knowing that I am doing it with Guruji’s blessings, because wherever we can spread His knowledge, there is ONENESS, and I feel one with you all. The following are His words.

When you stretch a sound, it becomes music.

A movement, when stretched, becomes dance. Doesn’t’ it?

You simply move your hand in a certain manner, and it becomes dance!

A smile stretched, becomes laughter.

Love stretched, becomes service.

The mind stretched, becomes meditation.

And life stretched, becomes celebration.

This is all we want-right?

So stretch!

When we stretch ourselves, the whole world becomes our family. Everyone is part of you. We live this world to live in love, to spread love, and to enjoy love. Isn’t it?

Laugh more and more!

What happens when you laugh?

Certain substances, called endorphins, are produced in the brain. When the system produces more endorphins, then our immune systems become stronger, thus preventing cancer and other such diseases.

As children, see how much we used to laugh, dance and sing; see how much we used to celebrate!

However, as we grow older and older, are we doing the same? We have to question ourselves about this.

We need to start smiling and laughing more…and more!

We should start laughing clubs everywhere.

Laugh for 10 minutes, without any reason, every morning. You don’t need a joke to laugh. If your laughter is not genuine, never mind, just imitate! Fake it till you make it, because it is our nature to laugh.

Only human beings are endowed with this special gift of being able to laugh.

You know, if you keep using your fingers, then you can play the guitar; if you don’t use them, you cannot play the guitar. In the same way, if you keep laughing in life, then laughter becomes your nature. Hmm?

You need to do this! Isn’t it a good idea? Yes?

Everyone just laugh for 10minutes, for no reason. Then all the pain, all the problems in life, will dissolve.

Wouldn’t all of you like to be in an atmosphere where everyone laughs?

Well, we have to create our atmosphere; we have to create the atmosphere around us. We cannot have someone else do the laughing for us: “Okay! You laugh for me today!”.

We have to laugh by ourselves. If there is nothing to laugh about, we can just look at our minds and laugh!

The main message of the Art of Living is :laugh more…and more…and more! Sing more…and more…and more! And meditate! Know that “if I am happy, all will be happy!”

This is my Master…H.H. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who won me over with his sense of humor…

Love & Rainbow

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED!

2010-03-16T02:20:00.000-07:00

Oh Gosh I have been tagged by the special soul of my blog friend BETTY from www.cut-and-dry.blogspot.com. This is a big honour because I know that my kids tag themselves and their friends on Facebook so it must be something real cool…
Well well. I am supposed to say where am I going to be in ten years time.

I guess I know because I had a vision, not long time ago...

I will in between the mountains and the ocean. Feeling the breeze of the sunset. In a place where I can feel the unity with nature. Cape Town and the area are good candidates. I would probably spend part of the year in Europe and South of France comes to my mind with its lavender fields. But it could be my Tuscany as well…why not? I would go and say hallo to Betty in Greece as well…Ah Greek food… But what I know for sure is that I am becoming a SOCIETY CHANGER which is a new profession with no income. I basically will be very active to change society, regardless of people thinking and behaviours. I will not get involved in these petty things, I will follow my heart. I believe we can all do things to improve society and it only happens from the bottom. Have you ever seen politicians doing good? I haven’t, so far; so I will not waste this life time waiting for the “big ones” to do things while they drink champagne and fly first class.

Ladies and gentlemen now my 10 beloved tagged ones:

MARCELLA of Belly up www.tinkerbellys.blogspot.com
MARLA of Butts and Ashes www.buttsandashes.blogspot.com
NEVINE of Dreams Delirium and other mind talk www.nevine-sultan.blogspot.com
BOB of Just kicken it around www.plainolebob.blogspot.com
JUSTYNA of Love lives in the kitchen www.lovelivesinthekitchen.blogspot.com
SHAWNA of My sacred insanity www.mysacredinsanity.blogspot.com
SARAH of The Good girls www.thegoodgirls.blogspot.com
DAN of Vacant Mind www.brody-ninjafunk.blogspot.com
KATE of Secret Office Confessions www.secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com
LILY of Becoming an author www.lilianrobinson.com

Dear blog friends I have tagged you because I do love reading your blogs and , although I am very busy at the moment (as SOCIETY CHANGER!) I try to be there for you , as much as I can. Please tag other 10 bloggers and let us know where you’ll be and what you’ll be doing in 10 years time.

Love & Rainbow

IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF CHEMISTRY

2010-03-04T01:28:00.000-08:00

Less than 100 days before the kick off of the FIFA World Soccer Championship.
I feel a kind of excitement all around. Not always the good one.

Road works are everywhere, the traffic situation is getting worse every day, traffic lights of the main roads don't work. The police is putting road blocks everywhere, at pick hours. I am sure they want to have the "crime rates" reduced to tempt more visitors to come and spend their money in this exotic destination. Johannesburg has a very bad reputation crime wise... But Johannesburg has also the most beautiful sky I have ever experienced, the most incredible summer storms and weather, the most amazing smiling people.

I decided, quite a while ago, that I was responsible of what I would see and sense living here. I have met quite a few unhappy expatriats who had to stay here for two, three years. Their attitude was to choose to repeatedly practise to complain the whole day long. They did not get good things from that. I feel it is just an innate attitude of being able to see the glass half empy. But the other half is full of fresh spring water.

I have a simple question today that probably will not find its answer. Why human beings have a strong inclination for negativeness?

I do believe we are born almost "perfect" in the purity of feelings and openess. As babies and small children we show to be open to life embracing daily experience with love and curiosity. Then, something happens, and things start going the other way round.

Children at school struggle to find their own balance, under pressure from performing in schools at the highest standards. The general culture is to divide kids in teams (A, B, C, D,.....Z!) and according to their marks. You do well , you get awarded. So probably schools put pressure on kids to meet the parents' needs of realisation. As young adults we need to fit the society's pattern and the more we "grow", the more we lose contact with our true selves, because we are living only outward. But Life is inwards.

Is is an EGO orientated society.

We need to classify things and people in order to feel SAFE. We need to rationalize everything in order to understand. Because we relate to the external world by understanding...And then we become slaves of the "judgment" thing. But to judge is looking for the half empty glass of water.

I actually believe that to become non judgmental is very difficult if not almost impossible but it is the highway to freedom. I was very judgmental and I was wrong. I thought that judging people and facts I was "free" to express myself. I really smile at myself, I mean my old self. I look at it like a worn jacket abandoned on a chair. Motionless. Lifeless. And I laugh, because the I am very alive and aware of the fact that I don't want to wear this jacket again.
What if I can accept people and things the way they are? What if I can live with no expectations from others, including my kids? I would not be bothered by the road works, but I would see them as the way to have a better service ; I would not think "bloody weather" but wow...it is cooling down, how wonderful.

I could see God in my kids, especially when they swim and end last or when they fail a test. Because by the end of the day they show me Love and that is what they are. And Love embrace everybody and everything. It is only a matter of chemistry.

Love & Rainbow

AGAIN, THIS YEAR, SHE IS LATE

2010-02-24T02:24:00.000-08:00

When I went “home” last December, I found an old notebook, half broken, where I had written some short stories. I had completely forgotten about it, something that was out of my emotional memory. This is the translation of one of those short stories.

“This year, again , it is my birthday and she is late. They have promised me a beautiful party with kids, grandchildren, great-grand children. I guess I will be the guest of honour “ She looked at her white wrinkled hands, withered by the time.
They were slightly trembling but she could not stand it so she was always with her hands joined softly on her lap. She was waiting for somebody or something since long time.
“I wish I could remember exactly the time when I started to run away from myself…I was probably still young but I did not realise it. Maybe it happened when I got pregnant for the first time…”

She looked at the fireplace, the crackling flame and the same old scent of damp wood when she was a child lost in reveries of gnomes and enchanted forests .
“ Beautiful, this is what I was told since I was born, and I was running after my image. I loved myself in fragments because we did not have a big mirror in our house. I could see my hair curled with the hot iron, or my moist lips, or my long pants or my breast or my arms. I could put my image together after many years when I was trying a dress in a shop. I had already had three children and I froze in front of this stranger who was blushing childish in the big mirror.”

She closed her eyes, letting herself indulge in the old memories; they were so clear that she could feel her heart pounding like many years before. She always had an extraordinary memory which would not let her be free from the past.
“I guess I know now, that I am very old, the uneasiness of my life. I have run after my body because it was the only thing I owned. It was the key to open the door to a better life. I was scared to be late so I got married very young and this body of mine took life. It started to live for him, the first man who told me “good morning” with a warm smile. But I was not myself anymore. Where was I? I gave myself to him, beating the rhythm of my life with pregnancies and miscarriages. My life went by… He did not get old; he was not embracing life like and old accordion out of tune… He was still charming with his grey moustache and his ex-officer’s noble bearing, always kind to anybody. Even to me… because I was... anybody.” One tear rolled down through the sweet hills of her wrinkles. “They are still salty” she thought sadly. The fire was still crackling, warming up her fragile body. A shiver went through her body, shaking her from the immobility.

She thought she should cook something but she was feeling empty.
“ I wanted to be immortal but I lived for the others. My husband, my kids, my family. I did not enjoy my own existence because I humbled myself in the love for them and time has gone by so quickly…what a bad joke. I am alone with this body that does not belong to me. I do not want it, it is not mine , it belongs to someone else…” She closed her eyes again trying to control her breathing, the heart pounding wildly.
An external observer would have thought she was dead because of her immobility. But her vivid mind was thinking that ,again this year Death was late.

Love & Rainbow
Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini

REMEMBER THIS SIMPLE THOUGHT

2010-02-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

One of the best and most precious knowledge I am getting from my actual journey is LIVING THE PRESENT MOMENT. It is a kind of unreal concept because we know where we are in this right moment.

Where is my body? It is here, right in front of the computer.
Where is my breath? It is here , in within my body.
Where is my mind? My mind is busy giving my hands the commands to write what it is inside (paying attention to the spelling!), but usually the mind is in the past or in the future.

This feverish activity is what make us tired and stressed; we do not get fatigue from the physical work but from the bee which is eternally buzzing in the mind.
So we are basically under the dominance of the mind that controls our energies, moves, thoughts. This part of the mind is the intellect or ego. I also like to call it the Censor because it produces mostly criticizing thoughts which attack the creative side, the Child or Artist that is in all of us. I already mentioned the amazing book “The Artist way” from Julia Cameron, didn’t I?

So, the mind gets entangled in many things and worries which drain our life force.
There are four main entanglements of the mind:
1. Children: we have lots of fears and worries for their lives and future
2. Money: it is either worry or attachment to it
3. What people think about me: am I accepted in this society?
4. Attachment to life through the body: I don’t want to get old.

To be free from these entanglements we must remember something easy and natural: we are all going to die.

The thought of death makes you free from all these entanglements that buzz in the mind and don’t let you live in the present moment.
The same thought gives you courage to fully live.

I had lots of fun when I was asked to imagine my dead body and write my own eulogy. This is what came out.

We are all gathered today to celebrate a beautiful soul who has just left us. She was not only my best and precious friend, the one who made me laugh when I needed to; the one who was there when I needed her support.
She was not only the mother of four, the wife, the daughter, the sister, the writer, the volunteer. She was all these things for the beloved ones although transcending those identities. She was mainly unconditional love, she was everything. I was privileged to share a deep and long true friendship, her spirituality has dramatically changed my life and the life of many more just for sharing the joy of the “seeker”. Yes, she was also a seeker, the eternal student who learns from Life with joy and wonder. She was committed in society with a smile and no expectations to help people find their own Universe of happiness. Because she knew the secret: everything is in within, happiness, joy, talents, love. She was helping us to see this simple path” let’s all go back home, it is not far”. I feel sad but I can watch this feeling and let it go, knowing that she is now what she was then, and what is going to be again. She is PURE ENERGY.
So let’s celebrate this soul who is having fun, right now, choosing another body for the next time life.

I loved to write this piece. I had honestly fun but it also gave me a deep introspection of my feelings and what I want to be in this life time. I could picture out a life of no regrets and accomplishments in terms of helping the society for a better change.

My vision is clear now: commitment, going out of my comfort zone, get started and do things.
Because if it is still true that “I wish I were a writer”, I am also everything I want to be in life, as long as I pull down the boundaries of my mind.

So living the present moment and stand up and act is what is life all about.
My spiritual journey was meant to happen to help me having a clear vision of my purpose in life. I will be posting once a week because I will be very busy with new projects that I will surely share with you.

Love & Rainbow

Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini

I AM A BUBBLE IN THE SKY

2010-02-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

It is a very intense time of my life where lots of things are happening.

I have been practicing the breathing techniques I have learnt with the Basic Course of the Art of Living Foundation, the meditation and yoga since July 2008. Every day. I feel I miss something if I don’t give myself that precious time. But somehow, inside, I was keeping the distance between me and the depth of spirituality; I was probably scared to let myself go.

I have always considered myself a free thinker and human being: never into any mental conditioning of politics or strict religion. Never listening to same kind of music; never hanging anybody’s poster on my bedroom’s wall.

Myself, my soul, my opinions, my ideas.

I found myself in the position of deciding if to attend the advanced courses, which are lead by teachers coming from India. I doubted a lot…I tried to find excuses to resist, then I let myself go.

I went first to Germany, over New Year time (see “There is only silence inside me, part 1 and 2), with no skepticism but also no expectations and then to the Buddhist Temple in Pretoria for another advanced course which was absolutely amazing.

Then, last week, starting on the day of my birthday, I attended another course, which is probably the most powerful I have done till now.

Here is the “tale” of my experience, the same way I recorded it in my journal.

DAY 1

I feel a little strange, still do not exactly what am I doing here. I was not supposed to be here, after all today it is my birthday and this course is too big for me. Big in its content, big in its purpose. I do not know what to expect but it is a Blessings Course and I feel a tiny speck in the midst of the Universe. The Divine and me.

I am here because Sangeeta told me to do the course and I felt a big will in this request. I felt there is no choice, I have to go. I could not even hang on the old stiff excuses that my left brain uses as a tool to make me give up: how can I do with my four kids? They have got so many things on and they need me… Suddenly a solution comes to my mind and I find the help and support of dear friends. And the kids are supportive and happy too.

As soon as the practices start I feel anxiety Am I going to cope? What is the course about? I honestly do not know why I am here, but I find the warm look of some known beautiful faces and start to relax.

After all it is only a month that I am vegetarian, I love drinking my cappuccino everyday and have some dark chocolate sometimes. I mean, I am very human… We do some processes in two or small groups that let us interact at a deep level I enjoy them, I love to feel this heart-to-heart connection. I like to get to know these new friends and connect with their souls. It is a strong bond, I cannot help feeling overwhelmed by joy The day goes by and slowly I start to relax in the warmth around me: friends, new friends, teachers, volunteers and that shining Light of our teacher Sangeeta. I find the new practices extremely powerful and detoxifying as I am going to the rest room at every break. The food is absolutely exquisite, I feel hungry all the time Ah, the smile of the people in the kitchen In the evening I am celebrated with Bibi and it is a very touching moment it is wonderful, so many beautiful souls are here, Guruji is here. I feel love. I feel loved… I don’t know if I can sleep tonight, too much prana running freely through my body…I feel I am in love…

DAY 2

Today the sadhana is more intense but I enjoy it. I enjoy this new sequence of asanas and at some stage I also feel proud of myself wow I can do the boat properly… I know this feeling comes from the ego but I cannot help feeling happy to be slightly more fit. The meditations are intense and some of them new, I experience times where my mind seems to sleep, other times where I am just cradled in the meditation, but no matter how it is, I feel I am having glimpses of the true me, my Source, my pure energy. I also experience tiredness but I know that so much is going on inside me. My soul is regenerating, is getting rid of garbage, is finding its true dimension. I am not completely aware of it , but I am connecting with the Divine Thank You Guruji for being part of my life.

In the afternoon we do a process that is honestly the hardest for me let’s throw out our untold fantasies…what fantasies? Where are they? I understand the importance of this process but still I find it toooooooooooooooooooo hard I am not sure I can make it, this is too much… Somehow I break the ice and the wonderful women, who are part of my group, contribute to this process, teaching me indirectly, spontaneity and tolerance. I understand my taboos and how critical I am with this hidden part of my personality. I feel, in my heart, lots of admiration for those Indian women who have never ever talked about this topic and open up their hearts .Still I find it very hard and something stays inside I feel bad, how can I talk about this?

Later on, we experience a very powerful process. What I feel, is indescribable, so I keep silent and I do not feel like talking about it with anybody. I feel spaced out, in another dimension but I guess many of us feel the same.

The same night we celebrate another birthday and the Satsang is explosion of joy and vibrations. Some teachers and friends come along only for the Satsang and I feel that the energy is absolutely powerful, carrying the love very far. Sangeeta smiles and sings with us, she is the portrait of bliss she is so beautiful…

DAY 3

It is the last day. What is going to happen next? What does it mean to be a blesser and committed to be connected with the Divine? I feel the solemnity of the moment from the preparation and the wait; we are all waiting for Sangeeta and some more teachers have arrived. My heart is pounding and I feel bothered by this feeling. I try to watch both pounding and botheration to let them go. Then I remember that I am not there to be a blesser but to go deeper into my spirituality, to intensify my experience. And I relax.

We need to clean up again the dark side of our desires and fantasies. Dark because it is not usually shared and we must be spotless. Oh no… I have to go through this again and we share something so personal and untold. Somehow I succeed in ending this process, still feeling very vulnerable.

Once we have finished our beloved teacher leads us through a Guru pooja and again through the Lam process. The Guru pooja touches the strings of my heart. I do not understand the words but I get the vibrations. I am moved…

The process is even more powerful than the previous day. When I lay down I feel a strong energy running throughout my body and relaxed. A couple of minutes later I start feeling energy in my third eye, like a laser beam of energy and suddenly an even stronger energy in my hands what is that? It feels like electricity and it is getting stronger and stronger. After a long while, this energy seems to decrease thank You Guruji for being part of my life, Thank You Guruji for being part of my life and the energy is back, stronger than before. It happens like that a couple of times, when the energy decreases, the thought of Guruji’s love makes it stronger. I feel nailed to the floor, I feel I cannot move. And I only feel happiness, no desires and no regrets in that moment.

Then we share our intense experience and everybody’s moved. Lots of people have tears of joy; they are dipped into Guruji’s compassion and love. Each of us has had a very intense and unforgettable experience.

Sangeeta asks us one only question, many times. I want to go but every time I want to stand up and go the energy in my hands gets stronger I want to go, I want to go… Any single time my mind puts in doubt the fullness of my connection with the Divine and the Master, the energy comes back stronger. I cannot move of one inch… My gosh what am I doing? What is happening to me? And the energy does not let me go. At the end of the process, I stay in the small group of people aware that I have got the answers and they do not come from my mind. I feel a little scared, I feel responsible now of my relationship with the Divine. But any time I think about it, I feel energy in my hands I am not alone and know, in my heart, that whatever situation I will be facing from now, my Guru is with me.

I burst out of joy.

SATSANG: Sanskrit chanting

SADHANA: spiritual practices (Sudarshan Krya –breathing technique + yoga+meditation)

ASANAS : the yoga postures

GURU POOJA: it is a prayer to all the Masters of the past, the present and the future

Love & Rainbow

WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER?

2010-01-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

The noise after the silence.

Soon it is going to be my birthday. I am excited about it, of course I am. That is the day I chose to come to life. I think it is like going to a car seller and choosing the car you want to drive for your life. I chose my parents and my body then, surely satisfied, I decided it was time to come back and learn new things.

And heal old things.

I believe I do not own anything. I do not own my material possessions this is just an illusion my children, or my body. Everything has just been borrowed for this lifetime. So I am very respectful. Someday I feel like I drive a Ferrari, some other days a Fiat 500 but I am grateful for what I have. I come from nothing and I’ll go back to be nothing else than pure energy. I will be the rain, the wind, the sun, the earth. I’ll be you. And you’ll be me. The same way I was before all this.

But.

I got an IPOD. I got a beautiful IPOD CLASSIC , I bet I‘ll become dust before I can fill it in with music! I mean my first IPOD ever!I am really moved. I look at this black box and I think more than thirty years back when I got Elton John’s vinyl LP “Your song”. I was probably my ninth or tenth birthday and was already listening to my father’s music, Charles Aznavour, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald and other big Jazz names. I remember spending long hours listening to this music, choosing the LP to listen to and playing it so carefully not to scratch the vinyl. I still remember the emotions that I was feeling. Immensity. I would sense the immortality of certain music, being a small speck in the Universe.

Then the WHOLE MUSIC came to me. The politically committed Italian singer song-writers, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Joan Baez ,The America, Cat Stevens, Stevie Wonder, again Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel and many more. I am sure to forget someone.

Then it was the time of the disco music. Madonna, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Michael Jackson, Cool and the Gang, Earth Wind and Fire. Dionne Warwick, Burt Bacarach, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Chaka Kan. George Michael… I am not strictly following a chronological order. I must have fallen in love hundreds of times with their music in my heart. I must have danced forever young.

So now, mother of four, listening to classical, jazz, ethnical music preferably, and my omnipresent Bocelli,I have got my IPOD. I mean I am not borrowing it from my kids, can you believe it? And because they taught me about the magic ITunes, they shared with me so generously some of their music their music??? to download on my IPOD. So, ladies and gentlemen here it is the everlasting, immortal icon of Freddy Mercury and the Queen. How could I have forgotten in the last ……years about the genius, the one who “wants to live forever”? I let myself go to the emotions of this immortal music, “I want it all ,we are the champions, another one bites the dust, it’s a kind of magic, under pressure ,don’t stop me now , these are the days of our lives,, heaven for everyone, somebody to love ,I want to break free ,the show must go on”. . I cannot tell my kids how long ago I was dancing and singing these songs. I would not know when He wrote these songs. There is no specific time because time means nothing when Freddy is singing. I can be 7 or 97 it does not make any difference. He has deeply engraved his art in our hearts. In everybody’s hearts.

So, I still do not own anything.

But my IPOD and the music which melt with my soul longtime ago.

And the memories of love, dreams, hope. I felt I wanted to live forever in the timeless beauty of Freddy’s music.

But was it really longtime ago? Freddy says no…it was yesterday.

Love&Rainbow

THERE iIS ONLY SILENCE INSIDE ME part 2

2010-01-20T03:53:00.000-08:00

The silence is recharging and enriching.

I can focus on my energy; the natural inclination about “complaining” does not show up. I cannot put it into words and build up “stories” about it. I cannot say I don’t like people skipping the line for food or why are the teachers talking so loud while we must keep silent. I realize then that my irritation is inconsistent and it is not worthwhile spending more thoughts about those things. The lesson is clear I understand… We can really depict our daily life according to the importance we want to give to our words how much wasted energy every day in not being happy or complaining…

Twice a day, His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Guruji for the friends, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, comes to meditate with us, to share his Knowledge, to answer to our question. I find out that he is considered in the top five most powerful men by the magazine Forbes for his social commitment all over the world to fight poverty, illiteracy, wars, stress, diseases. All the process we are doing, the breathing techniques, the kind of yoga, the meditations come out of his consciousness. He is the creator of all this, after a long silent retreat in 1982. I also find out that there are 30 million people in the world who have done the basic course and scientific studies on how powerful and healing are those techniques. A very famous Indian doctor and writer, I won’t mention his name, wanted to buy the breathing technique for his very expensive Californian private holistic center. Guruji kindly refused saying that this technique is his gift to mankind and that everybody must be able to learn it.

I am very much impressed by this small man who smiles all the time and whose sense of humor is winning.

When he enters the room there are people immediately going to him I wonder why and showing respect and devotion. It does not take me long to understand. Again.

I have always considered myself a free spirit, a free thinker. I am someone who detests addictions of any kind, especially mental addiction. This feeling always made me distant from religious and political thinking since I could really start to think on my own. Guruji is above all religions and political thinking. His teaching of unconditional love and respect embraces all religions in the ashram there are halls for every religion so people wishing to pray can go there. His teaching of a war-free world embraces all political thinking well I am not really sure about this last affirmation…some people still love to play the game of war and make money of it but…I am confident the world is changing, I feel this wave of spirituality that is flooding the human consciousness. What do we all want? Food for everybody, education and opportunities, peace and respect our environment. We all want to find OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, what we are meant to be, expressing our full potential. We want to build a self sustained economy where there is space for everybody to interact…

I am waiting to see what kind of effect this tiny man is going to have on me.

I surrender. I surrender to this Consciousness who is living a small human body. I cannot explain why his knowledge makes sense to me; I just get it through my heart, it does not go through the rational part of my brain. I understand that Masters are the vehicle through which the Universe shares its knowledge with humanity, according to the mankind’s needs of that moment in the history of times. I understand the powerful message of Jesus and Buddha and all the others who have incarnated this knowledge in the past. I understand that the real Master is not holding the truth; he is only passing it on to us. That is why all He says makes sense to my heart.

I feel light hearted, I feel joy, I feel pure energy flowing up and down through my body. I feel like I have never felt in my life.

The little man does not look like the Guru in my mind: a Guru should be huge and handsome, a kind of intriguing man who flat out his devotees with a look. Guruji is not like that, he is small, normal looking, he smiles at everybody, regardless of the effects of his smile he is known like the Guru of Joy. His sense of humor is infectious it is a long time I have not laughed so much at somebody’s jokes his sense of balance is just pure tolerance: everybody can attend his courses even people like me who enjoy a glass of red wine sometimes and who are not vegetarian I don’t feel ready to give up my cappuccino yet. When the student is ready the Master appears Buddha said.

I am an eternal student and I am ready.

In the evenings there is the satsang session: it is chanting Sanskrit songs altogether. I have no clue of what the songs are or mean but by the end of the evening I find myself very committed and happy in the chanting. Young people all around are dancing, free happy spirits.

I learn something else: in the UK some private school have introduced Sanskrit as a language after 15 years of studies showing that the vibrations of the language increase the IQ and releases the stress it must be the reason why I feel so relaxed during the chanting… I was tired before starting I feel energized now…

I cannot keep the songs away from my mind even when I go to sleep. Even during my trip back home. I find myself chanting them in my mind when I am under stress or in a difficult situation. And I feel cheerful, like when I used to pray my guardian angel when I was a child I am sure that my angels understand Sanskrit…

The three S that are part of my life now are SADANA, which is the spiritual practices I do every day (yoga, breathing exercises, meditation), SATSANG and SEVA.

The O is ONENESS

The three U are UNIVERSE, UNIQUE and UNION

The three L are LIFE, LAUGHTER and LOVE.

This makes my S O U L.

Love & Rainbow

THERE IS ONLY SILENCE INSIDE ME part 1

2010-01-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

It is me. And the silence.

It is the new me, the new person I feel to be. Because there’s a shift in my life. I would not know when and how it happened; I feel to be another person. I am open to the tremendous possibilities that Life offers me, because now I know the Universe is inside, everything has been already given, it is time to acknowledge it.

We are driving through the tidy and untouched Switzerland. I cannot help being enchanted by this unreal beauty, so different from the wild one of South Africa. I love it. I keep on thinking that we are closer and closer to our destination and a light sense of anxiety starts to get into my heart.

Why should I feel anxious? I decided to be open to this experience having no expectations, trying to avoid the rational and critical thinking. Somehow I feel like I am going to have some personal challenges. Will I like the place and the people? Will I fit in this emotional and spiritual environment? I miss my kids…

The more questions come to my mind, the more I understand that I am not used to come out of my comfort zone. I let the questions come and go, I don’t need to keep my mind busy, my heart is overwhelmed. As soon as I ignore the Censor I realize that I can relax and feel better.

We arrive at Bad Antogast, it is a group of 3, 4 houses in the middle of the Black Forrest. The Ashram really looks European which is the first thought I make. I am not in India, of course…There is already lots of people, lots of noise and hugs, laughter, luggage . I see my husband so at ease, saying hallo and hugging people and I feel like a fish out of the water. Again, I realize that the Censor wants to have his words shut your bloody mouth so I focus on the logistics.

I share my room with 3 unknown ladies, a young charming Swiss woman, a beautiful Dutch lady and a Russian young woman who does not speak English. We enjoy introducing ourselves and, as women are, we organize turns for the morning showers before we are put into silence, we share very democratically the tiny wardrobe and put our shoes altogether I guess it does not work like that in the boys rooms…

We get to know the daily schedule after a delicious vegetarian dinner : 6.30 to 8.00 yoga and breathing session; 8.00 to 10.00 breakfast and break; 10 to 1 pm meditation and course session; 1 to 3 pm lunch and break; 3 to 6 pm another course session ; 6 to 7.30 dinner and break; 7.30 to 9.30 satsang and knowledge.

During the breaks we are all meant to do seva, which means “service”: we are divided into groups and everybody is asked to take the responsibility to take part to it. I am in charge of the garbage and compost with one lovely and energetic Dutch woman, Dutch and Belgian men. Four of us. Others are in charge of cleaning the bathrooms, washing up the dishes in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and so forth.

I don’t feel comfortable about the idea of dealing with the garbage every day at 6.30 pm but then I decide to knock the Censor down and let myself go to the experience I guess I could change my seva but I don’t want; I want to go out of my comfort zone and try to turn this experience into something valuable and enriching. Responsibility means “the ability to respond to the situation” I want to embrace it. It is going to be meaningful and pleasant.

The first day we start the routine according to the schedule. I try not to think about the sleepless night, the cold, the hunger. I try not to look at all those super fit people who have come one hour earlier to warm up, so flexible and young I am here only for myself, to meet the Universe in me then I feel better.

The day goes by.

We will be in silence tonight so we do lots of interesting processes to interact with others.In one of those process I am in a group with three women, one younger than me, the two others older. We have to tell each other our life’s story, 10 minutes each. My Censor has come into action immediately doubting about my partners but it really lasts few seconds I then recall myself to the pleasure of listening to them. I realize the teaching of the Master: Oneness, heart to heart connection. I see how much beauty and courage and love is in them. I feel that, once again, behind every face there is an incredible story. I see the immense of human possibilities, the rainbow of feelings, the courage, the honesty, the braveness. I see all the women in the history of times, their pain and love.We are one. I am going to start my silent retreat with my heart full of emotions.

Silence.

Silence means no talking, no reading, no telephone texting, no writing, no gesticulating, no eyes contact.

Silence is the only and exclusive opportunity to get deep inside our Self. To get to know our Universe.

I like to be in silence, I need silence. I need order in my life and want to know who I am, what is my purpose in life. Who is the One who is feeling what I feel? Who is this ageless soul ?
I do not have any eye contact with my husband or other people. We want to make the most of it. My mind starts to gallop at full speed. Lots of thoughts, of any origin come to my mind. I don’t usually think so much, do I? what’s happening? The washing up has started.
Silence. It is a profound silence from deep within. There are noises around me belonging to the flow of life but then, there is only silence. The mind tries to show up but no words are following so the thoughts blow up like bubbles. I struggle in not writing because whenever I write I reach my Source, the deepest and purest part of me. The magic is always in the “gap”: the gap between thoughts, the alternation of noise and silence, of action and sleep. Up and down, movement. Flow. Silence is: resting somehow the mind that wants to be supported by the words. No words, no judgment, no criticism, no opinions. What is a thought if I don’t express it? Nothing, only a bubble. The silence is a powerful tool to suppress the ego, the Censor. I feel comfortable with it, few more days to go. I love the freedom of not expressing myself, no “sorry” nor “thank you”. Only silence.
Thank you Silence.

Love&Rainbow

TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING

2009-12-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

Is this Christmas “tour de force” at table finished? I think so, at least for me from tomorrow.

Italians have spent 2.6 million Euros for the traditional Christmas’ Eve dinner, Christmas lunch and today’s lunch and I cannot help asking myself if we really need to exaggerate every year. We do not only over eat, we greet people, generously offering wine, panettone (the typical Christmas cake) and lots of other gourmet stuff. We cannot help it. Food is breathing. It is a way of being, a kind of identity. Tonight we are going to see some old friends, of course out for dinner… Help.

Mother Earth does not follow any festivity or tradition, She needs to detoxify from all the rubbish we threw on her in the last 60 years. So, following the amazing snowfall of last week, we are having 20 degrees more of temperature (a kind of +18 degrees) and lots of rain. This is not normal. This rain has brought the level of the local rivers so high that this morning there has been a flood in a village 15 minutes from where we are. The river was just too proud to show its power so, went over a whole village and destroyed the houses. I guess, by now, it is only an economical damage, luckily people are not hurt. I cannot help thinking that we are responsible of all the upside down in the climate field. I keep on thinking about all the tons of plastic, glass and paper waste of those days, particularly those festivity days. Recycling is a duty but I think that reducing the consumption of goods it is also a duty. Re-using is important, reducing quantities, saving energy and giving a new meaning to our actions. Santa did not bring gifts to the adults this year in my family (we agreed with him that we do not need anything superfluous), he tried to make the kids happy. They are. We explained them we asked Santa to make more kids happy in the world and to let the adults be happy with what they have. Before leaving to Italy my two youngest girls “cleaned up” their toys baskets (they actually halved them) and we sent the toys and dolls to Susan who takes care of 150 kids who have NOTHING, not even the parents and live in the poorest informal settlement (if you have time please have a look at www.seetrust.com this is a non profit social program ) so they could have a Christmas present. They loved to share their toys and give those kids the possibility to smile. When they asked me if Santa does not bring them toys, I had to think a few seconds before answering that Santa will bring them more important things like food and clothes, so we could provide the toys. What is taken for granted from us it is vital for others.

I don’t even know why I have written this post, it was not honestly planned. Some of you know that tomorrow I am going in the middle of the Black Forrest in Germany for a silent retreat, where I’ll be doing, yoga, meditation, seva (service) breathing techniques and ayurvedic massages. My husband will join. We’ll be cut off communication for a week. For the first time in my life I’ll leave my four kids and won’t be talking for a week. I’ll be surrounded by other silent people but I’ll be in my soul’s company… It is going to be intense and surely I'll get to know myself better. But no more words now...

I will miss you guys, honestly you have become part of my life, but I am looking forward to writing and sharing my experience with you once back. And reading your wonderful posts.

Love & Rainbow

THERE IS ONLY WHITE AROUND ME

2009-12-19T04:03:00.000-08:00

There is only white around me. And all the hues of grey. The sounds are soft, almost deadened in a kind of surreal atmosphere that pleases our hearts. Everything seems to become silent, respectful of one of the greatest gift that Mother Nature can offer us. The snow. Such a snowfall does not happen every winter, we have to wait for it, desire it, dream of it. The village’s shape changes, people’s hearts are cheerful; children are happily playing snowballs battle in the streets. Today’s menu will be some special winter dish in every house. We will be cooking polenta. Our ancestors, because they were very poor, they could only have dishes like polenta (it is made with corn flour) squeezing up close to the fireplace. To us it is now some delicious dish that we do cook only in special occasions. Today it is the right time.

I love winter, I love the mountains, I love the snow. I cannot help being happy. I am grateful to Mother Nature because this is my Christmas gift. It is the time when feelings and sensations come up to move my heart. Those feelings are made of scents, sounds, colors. It is something impressed into every cell of my whole being. And suddenly, it comes out. And I find myself losing all the references, there is no time, there is no space. There is only me, the real me, who is deeply touched by the beauty and magic of a snowfall. I don’t go backwards in time and memories because I just feel the same feelings and happiness of the small child I was. Eating the fresh snow, sculpting weird shapes, running for all my worth and falling down… and making the “angel” with my arms and legs… freedom, cold, white, purity, softness, lightness. It is inside me, it belongs to me. I look at my children laughing and fighting throwing snowballs… it is so special that they won’t ever forget this great gift, keeping it warm in their hearts. In three weeks time we’ll go back to South Africa with our hearts filled with love and happiness for this unforgettable day that will last a life time. Oh the scent of polenta with porcini mushroom sauce is everywhere…Time to sit at table.

Love & rainbow

MR. TIME

2009-12-17T03:24:00.000-08:00

As I already wrote, coming back “home” has a sweet taste. It has the sweetness of finding old photos and thinking oh my gosh that was me… but it is also special because of the children’s comments oh you WERE so beautiful mum! Look how thin you were! And what a long shiny hair…How old were you in that picture? I was sixteen…maybe fifteen…it is already long time ago. I can see it but I don’t feel it. I still have dreams and passions but time has gone by…But does really time has a meaning in people’s life? Do I need to give MR. Time recognition? No I don’t. Time is an abstract construction of the human mind to put our life in cage. In the cage of defined concepts. I am 44 years old. This is a concept that leads to think that if I am lucky, I have already lived half of my life. There is no warranty on the product besides the one of living NOW. In this perspective time has no meaning besides the fact that I can spend lots of money buying fashionable watches I don’t, really I am not that fancy woman. Realizing that only living the present moment is valuable is the greatest freedom I could achieve. I enjoy my life, the way it is. I accept that someone wrote on my passport my date of birth this one doesn’t change, you see? and find charming the contrast between my body’s changes and my soul. My everlasting young soul. The same joyful soul that I was once, at 2, while I was running happy and free after my dreams.

Love and Rainbow

I JUST WANT TO BE A SEAGULL

2009-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Have you spread your wings?

Are you living a real fulfilled life where your wishes and desires are satisfied?

Those questions come to my mind in a very cold but sunny day. One of those days when you think you could go out in short sleeves but in reality you can be frozen dead in 2 minutes. Isn’t life like that? We dream of our life since we are children then things change and often reality is the opposite. Often, not always.

Desire, desear in Spanish, desirer in French, desiderare in Italian, the same etymological root. It means “to stop gazing at the stars with a well-wishing purpose” from its Latin origin de-siderare. Basically it means “don’t ask the stars what you need in life but have the courage of becoming the main actor of your life”.

When did you last expressed openly what you desire in life? What if you realise that you are living in a cage and that your all being is just there, outside, waiting to fly high?
Sometimes it is enough to open the drawer of our childhood memory to fly again and to see Life, from high, as a bright path, full of magic.
Sometimes we don’t believe in the power of Change and there, we feel trapped.

I met one of my best friends the other day, her story touches me and inspires me the following words.

I cannot stand this life anymore. This is not my life. It their life. It is what they always wanted me to be. To be married, have a family and a steady job, living close to them. They need to have my life under control to feel that they love me. I am choking… When did I lose the courage of being myself and saying what I really think and wish? Probably I never had it.

I have never been good enough for him. If I got 90% at school he would ask “where is the 10% left?” If I got a new job he would criticize it because “it is not good enough for you”. Whenever I expressed a creative idea he would pull it down because according to “his” experience it will not work…”ideas have never produced bread to eat”.
So I just ended working in the family business where he is still the boss. The despot of everybody’s breaths and thoughts. I don’t count in terms of thinking, bringing new inputs. I just execute orders in that office, eight hours a day because I am just too young and lack experience.

I am 37. I am 37. I am 37. But I am good at work. I am inclined to connect with people, I am quick, well organizes, hard worker, have creative ideas and good problem solving skills. And a B.A. in Political Sciences in one of the best Italian University. I am 37. I am 37. I am 37. Half of my life has gone.

She criticizes me. I am not good at cooking, I hate cooking. She is never happy because my fridge is empty. I hate shopping. So she cooks for my son, who is four, but she seasons every dish with a good dose of poison. She believes he can survive better with her and her spicy thoughts. Rather than with my love and my quick meals. Because I am not the woman she wants me to be. I don’t fit in her mental pattern. I don’t like to have regular meals, food is not important to me, but I deeply love my son. And he loves pizza!

I love travelling and meeting new people. I want to know new places, I speak English and Spanish, she only speaks Critics and Grudges and never makes one step alone. The shade of the despot is heavy on her too.

I often think that she has never been happy with my father and she tries to get even with me. I let them take all the territory of my life. I let things be because I did not want to hurt them. I wanted to please them all the time. Why? Why do I need to please them? I do not owe them anything not even the fact that I am existing. So if it is true that I have chosen my parents, that my soul has chosen to be back in my tall and slim body, with those two parents, I guess I have something big to heal. And to learn. Courage. The courage of being myself despite their thinking on me. The courage of spreading my wings.

My husband is a good man. Honest, quiet, without ambitions in life. Too good for me.The best for him is to spend a Sunday afternoon watching soccer on TV. We travel because I want to travel. Everything that comes to our life is fine for him. He does not express opinions. My steady job is the best for him because his job is temporary. I am the economical strength of the family but I want to fly high. I wish I could be in London, in Amsterdam, in Paris, in New York , in any place where I can feel the pulsing life in every breath I take. I need to leave and I am here for my son. I want to leave, I don’t want this life, it is their life. Still I don’t find the courage to scream and let myself go to the freedom of my wildest thoughts.

I am tall and slim but I have lost lots of weight in the last few months. I cannot swallow, I am never hungry, I cannot sleep. I guess that is my soul’s scream. I am burning with passion for somebody who is not part of the plan.
I met him by chance, we really bumped into each other. We knew from long time ago and had lost contact. It took me half an hour and a good coffee to realize that I was laughing breezy just tuning with him and all his being. His smile landed into my heart softly.
It took me two days to realise that I was madly in love with him. It took us two days to realise that we are made for each other and that we were waiting to be together in this lifetime. So my life is the total chaos. It is out of the rules of society. I hate my steady job, the family business, I am not the typical housewife and mother, I am not a wife anymore.

I am a woman. And I am 37 and don’t know what to do. I don’t fit in the cage that I let them build around me, all my being is screaming for freedom.
What am I going to do? I will be responsible of throwing the bomb because it will blow up. Sooner or later. And their life will be destroyed because of the bad girl. I never wanted to be the perfect angel. I just want to be a seagull.

Love & Rainbow
Copyright2009LorenzaVerdini

HOME SWEET HOME

2009-12-06T10:38:00.000-08:00

Coming back to Italy is as sweet as the ripest seedless grapes melting into your mouth. It is a very special feeling , the feeling of belonging. It is having roots somewhere and going back to them.

It is the joy of hugging the family and feeling that we love each other even more.

It is walking in the village streets and meeting people you know, and they are happy to see you.

It is buying the best food in the whole world in small shops that look like boutiques.

It is smelling the rain and humidity of winter. Listening to the soft sound of the rain, hiding under the feather duvet is it really raining?

It is wondering how could god design the most beautiful hills and landscape a man could ever dream of…

Yesterday we went to San Gimignano. It is one of the most beautiful and old villages of Tuscany. All the buildings and towers in the historical town centre are OOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD and I mean really old of the 10th Century.
We were just breathing history, beauty, peace. There is something that always strikes me, whenever I am in an old place. The feeling of peace and serenity. I would not know if it is me or the place but I feel at peace. I feel the deep respect for all the souls that have been crossing the same path centuries before me. I am admired by the works of art that will always be there to witness the man’s grandeur and talent. The love for beauty.

So walking in the historical centre of san Gimignano I was, once again, speechless. But is there need of words when we FEEL the beauty all around ?

But In san Gimignano there is also the best ice cream shop in the world! I am not joking, it is the best in the world the Gelateria Dondoli: the owner, who makes the ice cream, won the title for 2 years in a row! You can cry of joy having one of his ice creams…

You can enjoy in one of the many wine tasting places a special white wine the VERNACCIA, produced only with the grapes cultivations which are in the village surroundings. It is a very tasty special wine. When you say Vernaccia you know it can come only from San Gimignano.
And the best delicatessen shops for the non vegetarians, with really the best of the best exquisite food you can find. All clean, well presented. Beautiful food. I feel like buying so many things even if I would not necessary eat all of them… Eating with eyes and mouth is an art that is part of our culture I guess.

I found a small shop where the owner was producing stunning pieces of clothes with a knitting handloom I mean I could watch him working and creating the most beautiful clothes: he could have come out of the novel The Pillars of the Earth, easy.

Next door a craftsman was working on his hand made jewellery: bronze and hard stones. Some of the jewellery seemed to be coming from the Etruscan tradition, very special ones. I talked to him: the whole family work with him and they are all able to make jewellery, that is the family business!

In that area San Gimignano is very close to Volterra they are specialised in the work of alabaster: they do everything with it, from home accessories to ornaments and sculptures. Whatever but made with what nature has provided the villagers : lots and lot of alabaster!

We went back home with special chocolates bought at the Christmas outdoor market, a couple of ice creams in the tummy, bottles of Vernaccia and wooden toys chosen by the kids.
And a light hearted spirit.

Living in South Africa makes me appreciate all this when I come back and at the same time gives me new inputs to live my holidays with a new awareness. Nothing is obvious but to discover, once again with the eyes of the Life’s Explorer.

And every time I go back to my new home I feel the miracle of belonging to that land too, happy to feel life in slow motion, with different sounds, colours, music, people. Sharing my heart between my Tuscan hills and the most beautiful sky in the world, somewhere in South Africa.

Love& Rainbow

Copyright2009LorenzaVerdini

BYE BYE GUYS

2009-12-01T05:12:00.000-08:00

I haven’t got time.

Still need to finish pack up our luggage.

I keep telling myself I should go.

But I sit here, in front of my computer feeling a bit strange.

It is the first time I leave with my heart full of YOU.

Filled with all the company and smiles we shared together.

I know it is going to be only a few days break before I reconnect my soul with yours.

But I will miss you.

I hug tightly the few ones who visit me every time I write, and the new ones who are welcome my heart is big, there is room for everybody!

So, tomorrow I’ll fly to Tuscany, with my whole family and I am really looking forward to sharing with you the flavours of a new inspiring piece of Life.

This is the picture of my village, where I belong.

But then, deep inside myself, I know I belong everywhere.

Love & Rainbow

TO WIN OR NOT TO WIN

2009-11-29T01:32:00.000-08:00

I went to the Sport Award assembly at school, the other day.

Honestly by mistake because my kids are more academic than sport champions. I thought it would be the last assembly of the year and Clara, my daughter no. 3, was supposed to get her first Principal Award for having had three commendations.

She did not get it because it was not the purpose of that assembly.

I really enjoyed that assembly though. Because I met lots of friends and could say good bye, I could listen to speeches and hymn singing, watching moved parents some of us are proud of our kids only in these occasions…isn’t sooooooooo bad?

thinking “how good my child is” because he/she could get on stage, shake the teachers hands and get the award.

Because I was there by mistake, I was meant to entirely enjoy the show.

Then the something happened.

A good looking ex-soccer champion of the Bafana Bafana team (the national South African soccer team. Bafana means THE BOYS in Zulu) was invited to speak to the children Jeez, I thought he was the new p.e. teacher, wow… drawing all the audience’s attention.

He spoke gently and humbly to the children. He was not academic or intellectual and he told them the most touching story he could share with that bunch of kids aged 10 to 13 years old. Let me wear blue jeans, a white shirt, put on muscles and dark brown hair, a tricky smile and here is the story.

In 1992 I went to the Barcelona Olympic Games hoping to be able to watch the 100 m. final. Those guys train hard for years to compete only for few seconds. Years of training for a 9 seconds competition that will remember only the first one.

I could not get in so I decided to stay to watch the Paralympic.

In one of the races there were only 4 runners. They all had one wooden leg. The race starts and one of them was much faster to lead the competition, when all of a sudden his wooden leg breaks and fall off almost at the finish line.

The three others competitors stop running. In the silent stadium, where people are witnessing all this breathlessly, they help him to stand and carry him through the finish line.

This whole thing changed my life deeply and they way I had always seen the competition. It is not about WINNING it is about WHY we do things in life.

I loved this story. I write and share it with you. When do we give ourselves the time to sink deeply in the meaning of our Life?

Why do we do things? What is the real purpose of what we do?

Do I want to win or do I love what I am doing?

I know the answer for myself. It is a never ending 9 seconds race where we are altogether at the finish line.

What about you?

Love and Rainbow

I LOVE YOU ALL

2009-11-26T22:05:00.000-08:00

To all my beloved followers.

Today.

Because today is a precious day where I wish I could hold you tight.

I wish I could make you feel how important you are.

There is no special meaning besides I LOVE YOU ALL.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

2009-11-24T11:19:00.000-08:00

I wonder what the real relationship with my cooking is.

I love cooking. I hate cooking.

Sometimes I feel like having a double personality, Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the kitchen.

Some days I am very much inspired, some others I‘d love to feed my big family using a magic wand and just being served and spoiled.

In those days, the inspired ones, I just open a cooking book and let myself go to the joy of creating a new dish. It is a successful attempt. I choose quick dishes to prepare, because in half an hour I want to be done, I cannot stand spending hours in the kitchen.

Always. Always Indian food. Or Thai. Which lead us to think, according to my theory of my past lives that I was there in previous times.

I also cook Italian, of course. The mastery of cooking pasta is just printed in my genetic code, as well as making the best Tiramisu’ in the world. Mmmmh and what an exquisite Panna Cotta…..

Most of all I love baking. I bake my own bread when I have the time.

I just find irresistible the aroma (or scent?) of freshly baked bread. I really love baking whatever can fit in the oven (my husband will never fit in) . I must say I am successful also at baking good simple cakes and tarts.

But baking is not cooking, it is completely another story.

The love for freshness in food, good quality and healthy food it is not negotiable. It is just the way I have always eaten. It is part of my culture. But I come from there, the Boot, where we do not only love food we mainly love feeding people. It is a kind of sensual pleasure seeing friends and guests eating my food. Offering, sharing. I always think it is never enough so usually, when friends are over I cook quantities of food that would be sufficient for a starving soccer team!

Drinking is secondary to food. We invite friends to eat and then drinks will follow. But the focal point of the evening is the fooooooooood.

I usually cook recipes I have never cooked before, because I love the thrill of the “unknown”, the mystery of unfamiliar food and ingredients. But I never tell my friends-guinea pigs because it comes out delicious, so why bothering them with superfluous anxiety?

Those are my creative days, where I do enjoy cooking and feel like a great Chef. Mr. Hyde in the kitchen.

Then Doctor Jekyll shows up in bad days, when I hate cooking because I rush the whole afternoon taxi-driving my kids at their sport and cultural activities, worrying about the idea what’s for dinner? Is there food in the fridge?. This makes a lot.

Because dinner must be ready by 6 pm in order to be in bed early.

And because my kids are never hungry “altogether”, at the same time.

So I often end up spending hours in the kitchen!

The focus is on the balance of my kids’ diet are they having enough proteins, carbohydrates, fats, fibers and vitamins? So those are the days when I wish I had a small Ratatouille cooking for me, where I would appreciate ANYTHING healthy already made! Broccoli, cauliflowers, spinach, whatever green exists in this planet. But already freshly cooked, waiting for me to grab a fork and wishing Bon Appetit a’ tout le monde.

I guess I‘ll be living with my split personality for a while, in the meantime who is joining for dinner tonight?

Love & Rainbow

GHOSTS

2009-11-23T00:23:00.000-08:00

I believe in the Ghost of Technology.

It happens anytime I want to do things “properly” with my computer. Something goes wrong. Strange languages appear from nowhere, Internet connection is on but Internet has gone for coffee break. I can almost hear the ghost whistling in my ears I’ll get you wherever you are. No matter how you want to hide your weakness I’ll be over you. Forever.

So basically I wrote a new post this morning, saved it on as a word document on my memory stick and when I tried to put it on another computer (ah, that is a long story…where and when I write…) it came out with hieroglyphics…

I tried to negotiate a truce with the Ghost but it didn’t work.

I promised, I begged, I implored, I bent my knees.

I did not work. Merciless wandering spirit !

So I have just decided that because I am bloody busy I will let you know that:

Next week we’ll be leaving to Italy for 5 weeks, so I’ll be posting from my beloved Tuscany for a while. This makes a huge difference in the atmosphere, flavours and writing!
I will spend one of the five weeks in the middle of the Black Forrest, in Germany, in a silent retreat where I’ll do lots of yoga, meditation, breathing exercises and WRITING as there won’t be any talking! I am really looking forward to it.
My commitment for 2010: finding a computer course that possibly will set me free from the slavery of the Ghost! Any suggestion?
Last but not least I wish to welcome Miss Rae in between my followers: she is making my day because she broke off the steady heavy number of 23, that was as heavy as a grave, being my 24^th follower! Thanks for joining, I am glad I am growing !

I love you all!

Love & rainbow

RANDOM THOUGHTS

2009-11-18T01:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent the morning at Woodlands, the small paradise where I go for body talk. I actually was waiting for a friend of mine. Some random thoughts arouse.

Woodlands. On a spring day that is actually a winter day. I like the nature’s jokes. The cold, the snow on the Drakensberg, the astounded faces of people in the street. But the forest is still here, in front of me with its small waterfall and the waving trees.

Nothing is static in life; immobility is an illusion, a joke, like today’s cold. Everything moves in the flow of energy that is Life.

We are an agglomerate of energy and knowledge, specks in this eternal flow. Maybe. Who really knows? Probably our galaxy will be swallowed by a black hole and everything will end in one second, exactly the way it started. But now, in this right moment, I know I AM. I want to feel and be NOW. This is a feeling of belonging and fusion with Life.

I always thought I could live only in an urban environment, because I needed to feel the pulsing city life. The street lights at night, the noise of cars driving nowhere, theatres, people shopping and restaurants. I had to be one of those ants, walking quickly to the nest, carrying a tiny wisp of straw.

Now I need to be surrounded by the nature, to live in between the trees and observe what happens around.

One of the privileges of living in this country is to watch the birds. They are not afraid of men so they come close.

My favourite one is the hoopoe. Few years ago we had lunch in a small restaurant in a medieval village in Tuscany,only 5 tables, we could hear everybody’s discussions. The food was exquisite, like everywhere in Tuscany, The restaurant’s name is The Hoopoe Tavern. I thought what a weird name! What is a hoopoe? Then I was told it is an exotic bird. They showed me a picture. I remembered about this small tavern when I saw a hoopoe here, for the first time. Everyday I see a hoopoe now. Life’s flow has brought me far away, from the urban pigeons to the African hoopoe. To a small African spa, where the trees are dancing, the birds are singing and the river is laughing.

Joy, love, eternity. But perhaps I am not even far away. I exhale a breath that will reach somebody else thousands of kilometres from me. I wonder where my father is, where is his energy now. In which body… Nothing happens by chance. There is connection between all the things we do, the choices we make and the people we meet.

This morning I read the words I needed to read to wake up again the courage to write and be myself. The person I am meant to be. How many persons live in me? The mother, the woman, the girl, the wife, the lover,the friend…

Mmmhh... the writer.

Love & rainbow

DRIVING GRANNY

2009-11-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

Driving in the traffic can be exhilarating sometimes.

If I don’t get distracted in a dangerous way, the rest is a movie.

Yesterday I was driving to fetch the kids at school, changing my usual way because one traffic lights hasn’t been working for one week at the crossing between William Nicol Drive and the high way to Pretoria. This means a huge traffic jam at any time of the day in such a high density traffic road. That consequently creates delays and stress, so when you change your way, looking for better options, the mood is not that great.

I was fine.

Listening to classical music.

Now you know me don’t you?

My Zen attitude untouched by taking a longer way to school.

Shame other people are not as relaxed as I am…

The traffic lights is green, I turn left to get into Witkoppen Road when I hear the rumble of a broken silencer from a small old Toyota that is coming from the right at the highest speed.

I am not joking: she was driving like crazy, cutting my way off so that I could see who is that mad woman?

The Schumacher driver was an eighty-year old at least woman with a cigarette stub leaning from her lips, black sunglasses, clinging to the steering-wheel like she was driving a Testarossa on a desert highway.

Jeez what has she been eating in the last fifty years? I thought, but I couldn’t help laughing, she was looking like the sprightly granny of Madagascar 2 those who have got kids know her very well.

She was absolutely fantastic.

The very same day, later on while I was parking my car in a shopping center, before chasing for food in the supermarket, I hear a terribly loud music, probably country music form the late seventies, coming from a convertible car.

Ladies and gentlemen here it is Bridget Jones’ sister, much older sister, wearing a hat with a large brim like a Holly Hobby doll dancing and singing at the top of her voice, in her flowery vintage dress…

Jeez what has she been smoking in the last twenty-five years?

But I honestly thought she is fantastic, a version of the middle age lonely woman in search for freedom and identity…the new version of Thelma and Louise. Is she Thelma or Louise?

Still deep in thought, with a big smile in my heart, off I go to fill the fridge with the shopping.

Hey Bob I did not forget anything!

I enter the roadway slowly, turning left we drive on the left side, like in England when a real gentleman speeds off, from a hundred meter distance, cut my way and looking at me angrily he shows me the middle finger.

Jeez…what have you been doing in the last 25 hours?

I meet him again at the traffic light, farther down and he looks at me chewing swearwords in Afrikaans sorry I understand the only the English ones… Looking intensely in his eyes I wave my hand, smile at him with my 32 teeth and send him a kiss.

He hasn’t been able to speed off anymore.

Love & Rainbow

BODY TALK

2009-11-11T03:09:00.000-08:00

It is a bright hot summer day.

I actually need badly to wear my sunglasses.

Which ones? The black, the brown, the dark violet ones?

I love sunglasses. I love hats. But most of all I love books and candles. I cannot cook if I don’t light the candles on. I must have a book on my bedside table or in my car and when I am in the bookshop I am in heaven.

My level of energy is low today I must accept it and let it go.

Nothing’s wrong with my life.

An explosion of adjustments is happening inside, within the Intelligence that is taking care of my health. The same Intelligence that makes our nails and hair grow against our rational will, that coagulates a wound and fight viruses and cancerous cells.

I had my first BODY TALK session yesterday.

I went in the same place where we gather for the Artist Way’s Circle (see “The Seekers”): nature, silence, waterfall and the most amazing coffee shop. Full immersion in positive energy.

After a cappuccino that is my addiction, honestly Doc. Ela and I went into the room for our session.

She basically talks to the inner Intelligence to establish new balance and harmony in between our internal organs that are able to heal themselves. External factors, such as bad food quality, stress, pollution and so forth, can create an unbalance that leads to illnesses. The body talk reminds the Intelligence that it is time to “tidy the mess up”, TO COOPERATE AGAIN because they are a team.

The session consists of a silent talking from the practitioner to the body, using a soft muscle pressure on the wrist and then tapping the fingers on the crown of the head ant the sternum.

Oh I was feeling so good… By the end on the session, when I thought she was still keeping her hand on my tummy, I could feel a kind of cool pressure, like if her hand was cold. It was a very nice feeling. I then realised, while still having that physical sensation that she was not there anymore because she had gone to her desk to write what came out during the session. I am feeling a healing pressure on my tummy, who is doing it? I decided not to investigate with my rational mind; there is nothing really to prove at least for me besides the physical sensation of well being.

Today I feel drained but I know why. I can feel the men at work in the building site of my body.

I can feel there is a kind of adjustment in cleaning out all the bad stuff that, whether one likes it or not, are collected in our bodies.

I trust my body, I love my body, I need my body. The way it is. As a gift to make this earthly experience something worthwhile.

I love my wrinkles; well they are not so many yet.

I love my safety tube around my waist. I could get rid of it with 100 abdominal a day but why torturing my body? Can’t I leave it in peace and healthy?

I love it because it is my body, the only one I have and will always have to be here with you in this right moment.

If you can’t see the beauty in it, you’d better go quickly for an eyes and soul’s check up!

Love & rainbow

RAINBOW OF WISDOM

2009-11-09T02:18:00.000-08:00

Just some quotes from books I have enjoyed. The rainy season has started; we are just under a huge rainstorm. Atypical, it should happen in the evening. Still so powerful and inspiring to be so close to the force of nature and feeling to be a tiny speck in the Universe. This speck, with his soul, can do miracles.

When I go about my everyday existence, I am in charge of two worlds, the little one in me and the big one around me. My appraisal of every minute detail “out there”, the sun, the sky, the chances of rain, the words other people say, the shadows cast by office buildings, is matched by an event “in there”. INFINITE CHOICE is open at every second for me to alter the shape of the world, for it has no shape other than what I give it.

There is no more beautiful experience than when the world expands beyond its accustomed limits. These are the moments when reality takes on splendour.

From Quantum Healing, Deepak Chopra

No matter what happens to you in your life, you alone have the capacity to choose your response to it. When you form the habit of searching for the positive in every circumstance, your life will move into its highest dimensions. This is one of the greatest of all the natural laws.

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary projects, all of your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamt yourself to be.

From The Monk who sold his Ferrari, Robin Sharma

When Michelangelo was asked how he created a piece of sculpture, he answered that the statue already existed within the marble…Michelangelo’s job, as he saw it, was to get rid of the excess marble that surrounded God’s creation.

So it is with you. The perfect you isn’t something you need to create, because God already created it…Your job is to allow the holy spirit to remove the fearful thinking that surrounds your perfect self.

Marianne Williamsom

Love & Rainbow

SOUTH AFRICAN PETS

2009-11-07T22:42:00.000-08:00

No words for this post. Enjoy it.

EVERY DAY'S COURAGE

2009-11-06T02:46:00.001-08:00

I am reading a book that I probably would not buy myself because of its content. I got it from Paul, a dear friend who went to an open market in Greenpark where some people were selling their organic products.

She, the brand new author, was selling her first published novel. So Paul bought it and gave it to me. I took it with deep respect a first published novel must be worshipped by everybody not being sure if I would enjoy reading about the story of a small girl who is brought up in a family where the mother is alcoholic and the step father is sexually abusing her. But the story takes place in Johannesburg during the 70s and I felt I have to read about the South African society of that time. A kind of inner curiosity was rising up.

So I started this book only few days ago the book is amazing.

The story is obviously intense and touching but what I like most is the fact that the author writes in first person, being Theresa, the girl; this gives the narration an incredible rhythm because of the alternation of feelings and thinking. It is Theresa who is telling us her most intimate fears, thoughts, hopes, dreams and struggles. It is not somebody else describing her; it is her opening up her heart to the readers and showing what is her world with the difficulties of her daily issues. Telling us how she sees the adults’ world and how she is coping with it.

The book is JELLY DOG DAYS by Erica Emdon.

The reason why I started with few words on this book is because I have been thinking a lot about the concept of COURAGE. This is a story of courage.

What entangles my mind is that I cannot really define courage unless I accept that it is a big pot where there are lots of nice ingredients cooking and melting together.

So this is my recipe, please take note and invite your guests for dinner.

Stewed courage Lorenza’s way:

OPENNESS, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, FREEDOM , LOVE everything in abundance and according to your palate.

Being open to Life is an act of courage. It is being fully part of this earthly experience, accepting that we can go beyond the limits of what is defined by our five senses. It is welcoming, heart in hands that Teacher Life is there all the time to bring Her message. Feeling this openness to Life is an act of courage.

Forgiveness can never take place without courage; those who cannot forgive are not brave, they can only stay in the midst of their resentment. Forgiving is moving on, accepting deep inside, what happened. It is not love; it is an act of courage.

Acceptance is taking things they way they are, without being judgemental. It is the way it is, I just don’t define what happens with critical thinking. I do not put the events in the cage of my left-brain, but I let them flow freely in order to let them go and move on. This is very difficult and only the brave ones can acknowledge this mental approach; for me it is a kind of spiritual path that needs lots of courage to be undertaken.

Love. Unconditional love requires courage. Selective love is for everybody, including myself. I am very ordinary when I choose whom I want to love. I am the bravest one when I love unconditionally. Loving unconditionally is the difficult way, it comes from the heart and only few can reach this state of enlightment.

But of course they have got plenty of courage.

These ingredients are all important; they mix and blend altogether into the idea of courage.

One last thought: it requires lots of courage being ourselves and this is the everyday courage. Being willing to follow our passions and dreams, expressing our talents.

Those who can run after their dreams, holding a kite, are the brave ones. Those who express themselves writing, painting, loving, singing, healing, working, cooking, giving, sharing, caring are the brave ones. Those who carry on doing what they love, with passion, after getting slaps from Mother Life, are the bravest of the brave ones.

I dedicate my post to all those who love writing and feel they wish to express their creativity.

With unconditional love.

THE POWER OF WORDS

2009-11-03T01:55:00.000-08:00

I feel inspired to write about the power of words today. I’ll take some extracts from my journal, thoughts and poems to feed our souls.

22.10.2008 At the bookshop, between hundreds of possibilities, finally my eyes were caught by a small book, the older brother of two more. “THE FOUR AGREEMENTS” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It is a wonderful book, I guess my instinct guided me well and once more I learn how important is to listen to my inner voice.

I am feeling good in reading it: easy and deep wisdom for my life.

This morning I read the first agreement “be impeccable with your words” and I was amazed how much power we use every day not even knowing it. Words are ENERGY: if we do not speak positive words we are only getting and spreading around NEGATIVITY. The way we speak, the words we say, it is going to come back to us; but it is very difficult to become self-educated because it is so easy to lose control, to gossip, to talk in a harsh way. This “agreement” also takes me back to what Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says: “don’t misuse the power of words…never speak badly even when you are cross”.

I have tried today to be impeccable with my words and I will try again tomorrow and again the following day, and again, and again.

I feel naturally guilty for all the times I lost control with the children. I am neither the only one nor the last one, but still I am responsible for it. I have to go through this feeling of guilt and accept it. It is never too late to act better. It is never too late to improve my feelings. It is never too late to learn. And in this time of my life, where I am discovering so many deep and good things, I feel AGELESS. I feel I can come out of the protective shell and be myself; I know that whatever happens in my life has a deep meaning and a reason to be.

I look at my four children and I cannot find the words to express Life my gratitude for having such beautiful, healthy, clever and good-hearted kids. I feel really honoured they chose me, one day, few years ago, to share this life time and teach me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I am still trying to be impeccable with my words and must say I am succeeding much better than before. There are still daily situation where my Italian blood come out, sorry, and can’t control some swearing and bad tone of my voice: it usually happens when I deal with taxi drivers in this country (see the post Let the symphony start). But then I become impeccable again… When I feel at peace with every human being around me, I can pick up things that others will never notice…

20.11.2008 I saw something so beautiful this morning at school, a image that last only few seconds. A very tall white boy, from the high school, was walking along and talking to a grade nought black boy. Such a big difference in size, age, colours…but they were only one thing and it was pure harmony to see. I understand why I love this country and living here, the opposites that are ONE…

Words are the expression of our thoughts and thoughts can influence our feelings. We can also see it the other way around but the result will be the same. Action can be forgotten, words can’t. In the memory of our Life words keep the first place. Using words is an act of FREEDOM, is creativity on a daily basis. It is a tool to interact with others that brings immediate energy to all those around us. Words can be simple or evolved; it is the intention behind that makes the difference. Not misusing the power of words leads us to nurture the mind and the spirit.

02.04.2009 Today I was very impressed by the story of one of my friend’s gardener. This guy wishes to do a gardening course to have a certificate and does not know how to get it. She helps him in doing a three-day course so he’ll get the certificate he longed for. He offers her a small tree, that he has grown from a seed, to thank her, but he does not know the name of the tree because “ you know m’am, nobody has ever told me the name of things….” I am so touched; I could not stop thinking of him the whole day. This simple sentence just explains what most people here have gone through. They did not have the right to have an education but also they were not told or explained the basic things. Only orders: do this, do that. When we talk to our pets we name things…

The other side of the coin: we are under the slavery of words that express our thoughts. So, according to Tolle, this gardener is a free spirit because he simply experiences things without enclosing them in mental structures. So, once again I guess the best is to have a balance: knowing while forbidding the intellectual knowledge to be the master of our life.

I wish to end with a simple but profound sufi poem.

GOD LONG AGO DREW A CIRCLE IN THE SAND

EXACTLY AROUND THE SPOT WHERE YOU ARE

STANDING RIGHT NOW.

So I guess I was meant to be here, I was meant to live my experiences and make a treasure of them.

I was meant to learn a discipline with words in order to set me free. Free from bad thoughts and energy.

26.02.2009 I feel such bliss. I do not need explanations or logical thinking. I feel it in my core. It is inside me. It is me. Nothing can take it away. That is my treasure and secret. Yes my own deep secret.

Love & Rainbow