WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER?

The noise after the silence.

Soon it is going to be my birthday. I am excited about it, of course I am. That is the day I chose to come to life. I think it is like going to a car seller and choosing the car you want to drive for your life. I chose my parents and my body then, surely satisfied, I decided it was time to come back and learn new things.

And heal old things.

I believe I do not own anything. I do not own my material possessions this is just an illusion my children, or my body. Everything has just been borrowed for this lifetime. So I am very respectful. Someday I feel like I drive a Ferrari, some other days a Fiat 500 but I am grateful for what I have. I come from nothing and I’ll go back to be nothing else than pure energy. I will be the rain, the wind, the sun, the earth. I’ll be you. And you’ll be me. The same way I was before all this.

But.

I got an IPOD. I got a beautiful IPOD CLASSIC , I bet I‘ll become dust before I can fill it in with music! I mean my first IPOD ever!I am really moved. I look at this black box and I think more than thirty years back when I got Elton John’s vinyl LP “Your song”. I was probably my ninth or tenth birthday and was already listening to my father’s music, Charles Aznavour, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald and other big Jazz names. I remember spending long hours listening to this music, choosing the LP to listen to and playing it so carefully not to scratch the vinyl. I still remember the emotions that I was feeling. Immensity. I would sense the immortality of certain music, being a small speck in the Universe.

Then the WHOLE MUSIC came to me. The politically committed Italian singer song-writers, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Joan Baez ,The America, Cat Stevens, Stevie Wonder, again Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel and many more. I am sure to forget someone.

Then it was the time of the disco music. Madonna, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Michael Jackson, Cool and the Gang, Earth Wind and Fire. Dionne Warwick, Burt Bacarach, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Chaka Kan. George Michael… I am not strictly following a chronological order. I must have fallen in love hundreds of times with their music in my heart. I must have danced forever young.

So now, mother of four, listening to classical, jazz, ethnical music preferably, and my omnipresent Bocelli,I have got my IPOD. I mean I am not borrowing it from my kids, can you believe it? And because they taught me about the magic ITunes, they shared with me so generously some of their music their music??? to download on my IPOD. So, ladies and gentlemen here it is the everlasting, immortal icon of Freddy Mercury and the Queen. How could I have forgotten in the last ……years about the genius, the one who “wants to live forever”? I let myself go to the emotions of this immortal music, “I want it all ,we are the champions, another one bites the dust, it’s a kind of magic, under pressure ,don’t stop me now , these are the days of our lives,, heaven for everyone, somebody to love ,I want to break free ,the show must go on”. . I cannot tell my kids how long ago I was dancing and singing these songs. I would not know when He wrote these songs. There is no specific time because time means nothing when Freddy is singing. I can be 7 or 97 it does not make any difference. He has deeply engraved his art in our hearts. In everybody’s hearts.

So, I still do not own anything.

But my IPOD and the music which melt with my soul longtime ago.

And the memories of love, dreams, hope. I felt I wanted to live forever in the timeless beauty of Freddy’s music.

But was it really longtime ago? Freddy says no…it was yesterday.

Love&Rainbow

Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini

THERE iIS ONLY SILENCE INSIDE ME part 2

The silence is recharging and enriching.

I can focus on my energy; the natural inclination about “complaining” does not show up. I cannot put it into words and build up “stories” about it. I cannot say I don’t like people skipping the line for food or why are the teachers talking so loud while we must keep silent. I realize then that my irritation is inconsistent and it is not worthwhile spending more thoughts about those things. The lesson is clear I understand… We can really depict our daily life according to the importance we want to give to our words how much wasted energy every day in not being happy or complaining…

Twice a day, His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Guruji for the friends, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, comes to meditate with us, to share his Knowledge, to answer to our question. I find out that he is considered in the top five most powerful men by the magazine Forbes for his social commitment all over the world to fight poverty, illiteracy, wars, stress, diseases. All the process we are doing, the breathing techniques, the kind of yoga, the meditations come out of his consciousness. He is the creator of all this, after a long silent retreat in 1982. I also find out that there are 30 million people in the world who have done the basic course and scientific studies on how powerful and healing are those techniques. A very famous Indian doctor and writer, I won’t mention his name, wanted to buy the breathing technique for his very expensive Californian private holistic center. Guruji kindly refused saying that this technique is his gift to mankind and that everybody must be able to learn it.

I am very much impressed by this small man who smiles all the time and whose sense of humor is winning.

When he enters the room there are people immediately going to him I wonder why and showing respect and devotion. It does not take me long to understand. Again.

I have always considered myself a free spirit, a free thinker. I am someone who detests addictions of any kind, especially mental addiction. This feeling always made me distant from religious and political thinking since I could really start to think on my own. Guruji is above all religions and political thinking. His teaching of unconditional love and respect embraces all religions in the ashram there are halls for every religion so people wishing to pray can go there. His teaching of a war-free world embraces all political thinking well I am not really sure about this last affirmation…some people still love to play the game of war and make money of it but…I am confident the world is changing, I feel this wave of spirituality that is flooding the human consciousness. What do we all want? Food for everybody, education and opportunities, peace and respect our environment. We all want to find OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, what we are meant to be, expressing our full potential. We want to build a self sustained economy where there is space for everybody to interact…

I am waiting to see what kind of effect this tiny man is going to have on me.

I surrender. I surrender to this Consciousness who is living a small human body. I cannot explain why his knowledge makes sense to me; I just get it through my heart, it does not go through the rational part of my brain. I understand that Masters are the vehicle through which the Universe shares its knowledge with humanity, according to the mankind’s needs of that moment in the history of times. I understand the powerful message of Jesus and Buddha and all the others who have incarnated this knowledge in the past. I understand that the real Master is not holding the truth; he is only passing it on to us. That is why all He says makes sense to my heart.

I feel light hearted, I feel joy, I feel pure energy flowing up and down through my body. I feel like I have never felt in my life.

The little man does not look like the Guru in my mind: a Guru should be huge and handsome, a kind of intriguing man who flat out his devotees with a look. Guruji is not like that, he is small, normal looking, he smiles at everybody, regardless of the effects of his smile he is known like the Guru of Joy. His sense of humor is infectious it is a long time I have not laughed so much at somebody’s jokes his sense of balance is just pure tolerance: everybody can attend his courses even people like me who enjoy a glass of red wine sometimes and who are not vegetarian I don’t feel ready to give up my cappuccino yet. When the student is ready the Master appears Buddha said.

I am an eternal student and I am ready.

In the evenings there is the satsang session: it is chanting Sanskrit songs altogether. I have no clue of what the songs are or mean but by the end of the evening I find myself very committed and happy in the chanting. Young people all around are dancing, free happy spirits.

I learn something else: in the UK some private school have introduced Sanskrit as a language after 15 years of studies showing that the vibrations of the language increase the IQ and releases the stress it must be the reason why I feel so relaxed during the chanting… I was tired before starting I feel energized now…

I cannot keep the songs away from my mind even when I go to sleep. Even during my trip back home. I find myself chanting them in my mind when I am under stress or in a difficult situation. And I feel cheerful, like when I used to pray my guardian angel when I was a child I am sure that my angels understand Sanskrit…

The three S that are part of my life now are SADANA, which is the spiritual practices I do every day (yoga, breathing exercises, meditation), SATSANG and SEVA.

The O is ONENESS

The three U are UNIVERSE, UNIQUE and UNION

The three L are LIFE, LAUGHTER and LOVE.

This makes my S O U L.

Love & Rainbow

Copyright 2010 LorenzaVerdini

THERE IS ONLY SILENCE INSIDE ME part 1

It is me. And the silence.

It is the new me, the new person I feel to be. Because there’s a shift in my life. I would not know when and how it happened; I feel to be another person. I am open to the tremendous possibilities that Life offers me, because now I know the Universe is inside, everything has been already given, it is time to acknowledge it.

We are driving through the tidy and untouched Switzerland. I cannot help being enchanted by this unreal beauty, so different from the wild one of South Africa. I love it. I keep on thinking that we are closer and closer to our destination and a light sense of anxiety starts to get into my heart.

Why should I feel anxious? I decided to be open to this experience having no expectations, trying to avoid the rational and critical thinking. Somehow I feel like I am going to have some personal challenges. Will I like the place and the people? Will I fit in this emotional and spiritual environment? I miss my kids…

The more questions come to my mind, the more I understand that I am not used to come out of my comfort zone. I let the questions come and go, I don’t need to keep my mind busy, my heart is overwhelmed. As soon as I ignore the Censor I realize that I can relax and feel better.

We arrive at Bad Antogast, it is a group of 3, 4 houses in the middle of the Black Forrest. The Ashram really looks European which is the first thought I make. I am not in India, of course…There is already lots of people, lots of noise and hugs, laughter, luggage . I see my husband so at ease, saying hallo and hugging people and I feel like a fish out of the water. Again, I realize that the Censor wants to have his words shut your bloody mouth so I focus on the logistics.

I share my room with 3 unknown ladies, a young charming Swiss woman, a beautiful Dutch lady and a Russian young woman who does not speak English. We enjoy introducing ourselves and, as women are, we organize turns for the morning showers before we are put into silence, we share very democratically the tiny wardrobe and put our shoes altogether I guess it does not work like that in the boys rooms…

We get to know the daily schedule after a delicious vegetarian dinner : 6.30 to 8.00 yoga and breathing session; 8.00 to 10.00 breakfast and break; 10 to 1 pm meditation and course session; 1 to 3 pm lunch and break; 3 to 6 pm another course session ; 6 to 7.30 dinner and break; 7.30 to 9.30 satsang and knowledge.

During the breaks we are all meant to do seva, which means “service”: we are divided into groups and everybody is asked to take the responsibility to take part to it. I am in charge of the garbage and compost with one lovely and energetic Dutch woman, Dutch and Belgian men. Four of us. Others are in charge of cleaning the bathrooms, washing up the dishes in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and so forth.

I don’t feel comfortable about the idea of dealing with the garbage every day at 6.30 pm but then I decide to knock the Censor down and let myself go to the experience I guess I could change my seva but I don’t want; I want to go out of my comfort zone and try to turn this experience into something valuable and enriching. Responsibility means “the ability to respond to the situation” I want to embrace it. It is going to be meaningful and pleasant.

The first day we start the routine according to the schedule. I try not to think about the sleepless night, the cold, the hunger. I try not to look at all those super fit people who have come one hour earlier to warm up, so flexible and young I am here only for myself, to meet the Universe in me then I feel better.

The day goes by.

We will be in silence tonight so we do lots of interesting processes to interact with others.In one of those process I am in a group with three women, one younger than me, the two others older. We have to tell each other our life’s story, 10 minutes each. My Censor has come into action immediately doubting about my partners but it really lasts few seconds I then recall myself to the pleasure of listening to them. I realize the teaching of the Master: Oneness, heart to heart connection. I see how much beauty and courage and love is in them. I feel that, once again, behind every face there is an incredible story. I see the immense of human possibilities, the rainbow of feelings, the courage, the honesty, the braveness. I see all the women in the history of times, their pain and love.We are one. I am going to start my silent retreat with my heart full of emotions.

Silence.

Silence means no talking, no reading, no telephone texting, no writing, no gesticulating, no eyes contact.

Silence is the only and exclusive opportunity to get deep inside our Self. To get to know our Universe.

I like to be in silence, I need silence. I need order in my life and want to know who I am, what is my purpose in life. Who is the One who is feeling what I feel? Who is this ageless soul ?

I do not have any eye contact with my husband or other people. We want to make the most of it. My mind starts to gallop at full speed. Lots of thoughts, of any origin come to my mind. I don’t usually think so much, do I? what’s happening? The washing up has started.

Silence. It is a profound silence from deep within. There are noises around me belonging to the flow of life but then, there is only silence. The mind tries to show up but no words are following so the thoughts blow up like bubbles. I struggle in not writing because whenever I write I reach my Source, the deepest and purest part of me. The magic is always in the “gap”: the gap between thoughts, the alternation of noise and silence, of action and sleep. Up and down, movement. Flow. Silence is: resting somehow the mind that wants to be supported by the words. No words, no judgment, no criticism, no opinions. What is a thought if I don’t express it? Nothing, only a bubble. The silence is a powerful tool to suppress the ego, the Censor. I feel comfortable with it, few more days to go. I love the freedom of not expressing myself, no “sorry” nor “thank you”. Only silence.

Thank you Silence.

Love&Rainbow

Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini