I have started to write my book this morning.
Something has happened in this last week that has deeply upset my life for a few days at the point that I have almost decided to stop writing. Then I thought whatever happens in your life, there is always a good reason, find it and work on yourself.
I must say, it is not an easy task. The natural inclination is to blame others, our life and the unfortunate destiny. But what about our responsibility? Becoming aware of the responsibility we hold in every single event happening in our life is freedom from the burden of feeling stuck and powerless. So I realized that I had to put into practice what is purely knowledge and wisdom.
All of a sudden I realized that I was postponing the pleasure of starting writing my book for the inner fear of not succeeding oh gosh how can you fill in hundreds of pages? Finding daily excuses just to be busy and not to sit in front of my computer, face to face with my everlasting dream of being a writer.
So this morning I sat and started writing.
My intent is to write letting the flow of my story and feelings go on and on. I do not know where I am going to land and how, but I have told myself not to judge my writing until the book is finished. I will not let the Censor be the dictator of my life and pull me down. That is my life, I take the responsibility to LIVE IT.
I had the inspiration for this story in August last year, while I was spooning the most exquisite pulses soup to my family it is winter in South Africa, we have lots of hot soups… it was like a lightning on a summer day: unexpected. I started to cuddle the idea, to nurture the inspiration but I was still far from the action of sitting and writing. You know the idea of realizing something is harmless; the action of realizing the idea can be harmful. At least I was using this “philosophy” as excuse to avoid coming into action.
Till the accident occurred few days ago. This accident led me to think I want to stop writing and do something more “useful” in life; I was about to give up. But this morning I just sat and started to write. I looked at the computer screen with tender love and thought hi there, I am here. We are going to spend quite a long time together, I am sure we’ll be friends. I will not judge you and you won’t judge me. We’ll be supporting each other with love and care.
After I wrote the beginning of the book, I had to be back to my motherhood’s duty of fetching the kids from school, bringing them to swim, going to the supermarket, fetching my boy after the soccer match, healing his wounds, checking on the homework and on the piano practice, baking pizza for dinner yeah, that was tonight’s menu and putting them into bed before sitting again, in front of my lap top, to write this post.
But today, I did all this feeling in love…I was deep in though and cheerful like when you are in love for the first time in your life.
I realized that I had my inspiration exactly nine months ago…The picture is clear now, the book I am pregnant of is ready to be delivered.
Ah…what a joy.
I might be busy in the next future but I will try to keep on reading your posts and writing my blog, keeping you updated on how the baby is growing.
Strong and healthy…