I ASK GOD

Today I want to write a prayer for all those people who are suffering or struggling in their lives.

 

I ask God to give us the strength to live our life fully, in harmony with the other beings and with ourselves.

I ask God to give us inspiration on the path to follow to learn Unconditional Love.

I ask God to help us being a good example of happiness, fulfilment and courage for our children.

I ask God to lead us on the way of respect and love for every single being in the Universe.

I ask God to let us stand up proudly on our way, because we are witness of the Miracle of Life.

I ask God to give us the Knowledge and the Wisdom that we’ll never find in books.

I ask God to make us love our bodies, the way they have been given to us.

I ask God to help us finding ourselves when the path is lost.

I ask God to give us the sight when we are blind.

I ask God to give us brushes and paints to became the Artists of our life. 

I ask God to be able to rescue ourselves when we are in the storm of Life.

I ask God to let those who are in pain, to keep on having Faith.

I ask God to tease us because we take ourselves too seriously.

I ask God to stretch out on the Rainbow of Life sipping a Margarita.

 

 

Love & Rainbow

 

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

MOVING TO SOUTH AFRICA

Once back to Italy, I spent a couple of months packing up big boxes of books I cannot go without, two thirds of our wardrobes, the one third being skiing and very heavy winter clothes, lots of toys oh no, why do we have to take all this? and other stuff that I thought would be useful in the immediate once arrived in the “promised land”. So I was bouncing myself between the very organized and the emotional one who was, somewhere deep inside sorry to leave. Have you realized that you are about to leave your beloved Tuscany, your family and a bunch of good friends, the best food in the world, the most beautiful hill landscape, the art of historical buildings in the streets? Yes I think I had realized all that but I could not forget the feeling of belonging that sprang from the South African holiday and my husband was there, so I wanted to give the family the chance to be together. The children were fine, except for my older one who was thirteen and a half, the most “Italian one” of the four. She was tearful and anxious about the change, mainly about the fact that she would have go to an English school, and at the time she was speaking only Italian. So, to cope with her feelings, she was writing a journal that was heartbreaking…The youngest one, four at the time, was making herself comfortable using her creative side: she was drawing on the bedroom walls, painting furniture of course while I was sweating and packing up in the hot Italian summer and also expressing her deepest form of art in body painting herself, naked, with black paint. From head to toes, she did not forget one inch of her skin… When I saw her I had such a fright oh my God what is that! Don’t move, don’t touch anything, don’ breathe, no no please breathe but form your nose….helpppppppppppppp I lift her from the floor and put her in the bath where, after 45 minutes of brushing, she looked like my naughty baby again. My friends know what kind of character she is.

I put the records of my mind in fast forwards now… At the airport we paid the amount of a full flight ticket for exceeding weight of our luggage come on, there must be a mistake, we only have 14 luggage! What a petty thing, can’t you see it? The employee could not see it a small thing, so we paid all the money. There was a very emotional tension all around, my family had come and they were just putting back the tears, not very successfully I must say. I had a lump in my throat although I was trying to hold it in a very professional way I don’t like to cry in public, not even at the movies

My sister and I had made a deal ok we don’t cry, by the way it is only a goodbye; we ‘ll be back by Christmas to celebrate altogether. Please please don’t cry, if you start I won’t be able to hold it… But when my oldest daughter hugged tightly my niece Camilla and both started to sob desperately in each other’s arms, I looked for one second into my sister’s eyes and we both started too. Then my other niece Giulia hugged the small ones and started to cry, my mother was devastated I know I am taking your grandkids from you and you’ll miss us so much and I was feeling so guilty for creating such a pain in everybody. It was a real symphony.

My brother in law looked like somebody at a funeral but he tried hard to keep himself calm. I must say the “boys” succeeded. Once on the airplane I let myself go to all the tears I could pour out of my soul, Pisa/Paris, 1 hour and a half flight, sobbing with my daughter, feeling such a sharp pain in my heart.

The rest of the flight, Paris/Johannesburg was like the rest of the warrior, so exhausted by all those tears I think I fell deeply asleep . As soon as we landed, I started to feel good I don’t know how to explain but I love this place, the noises, the colours, those people willing to help, for the tip ok, but still willing to help, the landscape so different, wild and vast, the scream of the hadidas at five o’clock in the morning...

So the new life started, it was the beginning of a re-birth for me. We had quite a few difficulties but I guess it was normal. In the whole picture I can say the children adjusted in a short time purely because they are perfect creatures.

We, the adults, always have to mess up with our lives, because we seem to be more comfortable in the “drama” than in simplicity and serenity. It must be our troubled Karma. How many lives do we need to understand the magic of Life?

 

 

Love & Rainbow

 

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini 

DOG TRAINING

I just want to write something that lie outside the flow of Pure Energy but that was such a strong image for me. Few days ago, in a hi fi shop, there was Michael Jackson’s famous music as background and that was absolutely good, a nice jump in the past, in our teens days. What stroke me was that all the people of my age or even older, lining up to the tills, were following the rhythm with their foot, or leg, or arm, or finger, eyes lost in the past. So I wondered wow, look at that…everybody is dancing freely in their souls, trying to keep their bodies steady, maintaining a posture to keep on queuing but if they could they would step out of the line and break dance! Or at least they would do Michael’s famous moon step (or moon foot?) and their bodies are just exulting with happiness because of this music that was forgotten.

We had just bought Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” because my children, since he died, wanted to have his music, but I must honestly say that I had forgotten about this genius of music and how much I loved to dance his music.

So this morning, driving to dog training , yes, still Max the German shepherd who listen to me at home but never at training…too many distractions I guess… I put the cd Thriller on and started to sing at the top of my voice because I am bad, I am bad, you know it I’m bad… Billie Jean is not my lover, she is just a girl who claims that I’m the one, but the kid is not my soooooon…the thing itself was not bad, except for the people’s looks at the traffic light or shall I say robot, like a real South African? Well guys, you cannot image how good I felt afterwards, especially because my day had started it is not my fault, I swear the wrong way. To add the icing on the cake, at the last robot I started to scream like an hysterical possessed woman completely out of herself oh I loved it, it was pure physical pleasure…mmmm and I stopped only when I could see my dog’s look, terrified,  from the rear-view mirror.

Then I just smiled at myself for the performance, well done you are a star parked my car, and off I went for one of the most rewarding dog’s training session I ever had.

 

Love & rainbow

 

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

I AM STILL BAD AT COMPUTER STUFF

The miracle did not happen. Rome was not built in a day, I guess...  I am still very bad with the computer and this "monster" takes advantage of me! What is happening now, is that you see strange colors in my writing and it is not meant to be like that ! It just happens and I do not know how to control or stop it! I need to wait for Isobel to come back from holidays to try to fix it. So in the meantime, apologies for all the difficulties that can arise during the reading. It is truly hard to cope with a "possessed" machine for someone like me, peaceful and old-fashioned... Often I wake up early in the morning (5 o'clock in winter time is early isn't it?) to write my morning pages, strictly by hand, in Italian, on my Moleskine. I just enjoy the total silence of the house, I light a couple of candles on, and I start writing at the candle light, in the dark of the early  morning. Max, our german shepherd, looks at me quite puzzled, but he cannot afford to make disrespectful comments , only because I feed him every day and this scores for me. Although being a fan of the handwriting, I wish I could start to communicate with this computer  in order to understand each other, with no mutual expectations, having a fulfilled and mature relationship. Isn't it what we try to pursue in our life? 

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

HAKUNA MATATA

In April 2006 we went , as a family holiday, to South Africa , to see what it was like. The place where my husband was spending most of his time, building up his business. I must confess that, although I love traveling , I had never gone farther than Europe and Lebanon , never gone for exotic holidays in secluded islands... what the hell are you waiting for? to be a granny? I felt I was going to explore the "unknown" that was not totally unknown, as my husband was already living there and had been traveling in Africa for many years. I could guess what it was like... So I packed stuff for everybody, which took a couple of full days well, let's see.. .in Italy it is spring now, so In South Africa it should be autumn , that could mean to pack warm clothes. Shall I put cotton or wool jerseys in the luggage? Shall I take sandals or takkies? Do we need a sun block? Ah I don't have to forget the drugs for the kids... Basically the "packing fear" existed and was taking lots of energy from me. But I MADE IT ! So we went to the airport to take off to Johannesburg on a beautiful spring evening, leaving my loved Tuscany behind to jump, with my four kids, into the wild bush. I survived the night on the flight taking care of my youngest daughter who was having with 39 degrees of fever why did you wait to be on the airplane to get sick? good you took some drugs with you and who was not happy to feel "trapped" on a seat while all the other passengers were trying to sleep please please don't vomit I can cope with the fever but not with the vomit . The turbulence over the Equator did not help to relax about it. By the way, the four years old girl did not vomit and I was so grateful to the god of travelers for watching over us ! When the hostess brought the breakfast tray I was in Heaven completely relaxed I would say exhausted and ready for the adventure. The thing that stroke me most, nose stuck to the window, was that I could see a big land affected by huge blue chickenpox pimples that I realized then, were SWIMMING POOLS! Yes, swimming pools of all sizes and shapes... I was expecting to see giraffes and zebras running freely, instead I could see swimming pools. So that was the first scenario that welcomed me in South Africa. The first day went by trying to relax at the hotel after having been at the nearby hospital to check on my daughter who was not feeling well. Besides this inconvenience, the holiday started. Every single holiday has a bad side : it's too short. And this holiday was no exception : the three weeks were going so quickly, our time was intense, full of nice things to do and discover, the weather was absolutely perfect. We spent most of the time in Johannesburg area, with a few days break in Zimbali , because I wanted to have a feel on what is daily life like in Johannesburg in my mind already open to the possibility of moving the family. I must say it was love at first sight : the sounds in the streets, the music on the radio, the brightness of the sky and the beauty of the sunsets, the slow rhythm of life, the birds and nature, but most of all people's warmth and smile, and the Energy . I could not believe what I was experiencing , every single person I was dealing with, was warm, smiling and kind and they did not even know me. Those My God I feel at home here... I can live here... this is Pure Energy so I decided, fbeautiful smiles...rom my heart, and in a very impulsive way well that is your personality: you never think twice when you have to take important decisions in your life that I wanted to move to South Africa, to bring together the family again and to let my children grow in a place where they could feel that difference can be beauty, that poverty can be warmth, that we can learn to help and support others. That to be different means to be equal because we are all one. So I was experiencing , truly and deeply , the pure energy that makes South Africa so special. I could not see one single thing that would make me change my mind. I was also thinking that it would be great to brush up my knowledge of English, very rusty indeed, and to give the kids the opportunity to learn a new language. And that was it, I was back to Italy, announcing my speechless family that by september we would be moving permanently to South Africa. So...Hakuna Matata what a wonderful world !

Love&Rainbow

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

LAST ON THE LIST

I want to spend few more words on the concept of false priorities and becoming, consequently, THE LAST ON THE LIST. I don't really know if it is only a cultural upbringing (mine is Italian, after all) but I find that I personally have assumed the role of the factotum mum, or Mrs. Fixit. The reason why I led myself in being omnipresent in the family life probably lies on the fact that I wanted to fill the gap created by my husband 's vacancy in whatever "secondary" matter would rise in our daily life. Of course I understand that, being such a busy and clever business man, certain daily issues were only bothering itchy stuff that I could deal with. So I made the biggest mistake of my life... I started to be WONDER WOMAN. The problem is that for long time I truly believed that what I was doing was right... how silly. I was only burning out all my energies putting myself as the last on the list. Everything and everybody was coming before me. So I thought I cannot not go to gym because I have to take care of the children. I did not go to the hairdresser for what? I did not give my soul the pleasure of reading I am so tired that as soon as I touch the bed I fall asleep nor the immense and absolute pleasure of writing writing, writing, what is writing? Nothing personal or related to any of my wishes or desires was part of my daily life. Only duty duty duty, make everything work. Even worse I had not finished my University studies that I loved so much, because of the family's responsibilities . So, slowly slowly I felt like one of Michael Jackson's zombies. I was the only one responsible for that, nobody else's responsibility I swear, because although I did not have my husband support do we really need our husbands' support ? he has never told me "don't do this and that". There must be something wrong with my brains I was feeling "guilty" to leave the children home with a baby sitter and not being there for them hey, wonder woman, what is wrong with you? I thought I could make them feel my love "cutting and pasting" everything for them. Oh no... my goodness I was really blind.  I needed a cancer to wake me up. So this is the panorama that was part of my survivor daily life when I decided to join my husband in South Africa (do you remember the movie Rambo ? I think that in some period of my life I really looked like him...).

After all this experience, now I recognize my mistakes and can truly affirm that women, especially mothers, are multidimensional and multi sensorial beings, because in developing the "mother instinct" they act and live at a superior level that transcend the very linear "way of thinking" familiar to our partners: the male thinking CAUSE-EFFECT, end of the story, only one thing at the time and after gym, please. We do not act nor live according to the cause-effect law of physics because we can do 100 different things at the same time, taking responsibility for the family , children and their lives and our own personal life and work, being always focused and present. This amazing multidimensional being is called WOMAN, lucky ones who can still  appreciate the difference in the MAN in our life. Last thought for today: I am not too much into religions but I notice that in the most developed eastern ones the most important deities are females. 

So, lets us celebrate today our special multidimensional being and  MOTHER EARTH.

Love & rainbow

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

THE MISSING CHILD

Today I feel like  Ratatouille, cooking his best dish. I have lots of thoughts in my mind and in the big pot of my heart and don't honestly know where to start...So I think is the dish still nice if I add the spices at the end or do I really need to add them first? I think it won't make much difference... WRITING is one of the most important things in my life simply because it is part of me. I don't feel completed, as a person and woman, if I don' write. It is the most natural way to  communicate, it is the way I am, the free expression of my soul. When I write I am totally free  and what I write is never coming from my mind. Somebody told me that I am good at communicating and being connected with people; I was thinking it must be because of my writing... of course there many other things that complete my life now but to reach the stage of awareness has been a kind of troubled "journey" with lots of bumps and holes and real wake up call.

How it started is really boring, I think it is the most ordinary story...

My mind recalls an image of a woman from the innermost part of my consciousness, she must be forty and I can still see the beauty of her youth. But she cannot see this beauty and she feels empty. She feels moved to tears, watching Pope John Paul II's funeral, honestly not because the Pope died (sorry but that is the truth...) but because she realizes, watching those thousands of thousands people gathering together and sharing the sorrow for the Pope's death, that she has nothing to believe in and to share. What are my beliefs, dreams and aspirations... what kind of person I am...what is my life made of...when have I lost myself, I am scared of this ... SILENCE. She cannot find an answer. The tears belong to her.The only thing she is aware of is that inside her there is only emptiness and loneliness...

I chase away this image, I surely don't like it, I know what it is and don' t want it, it is only a bad joke of my consciousness that likes to tease me. Like when you look at photos of long time ago wearing old fashioned clothes and hair cut. You quickly put these photos back thinking oh my God how ridiculous I was. So I put this image back in the last corner of my memory's drawer hoping to forget about it.

But this vivid picture does not want to keep quiet so I have to give up Okay okay you got me. You win. Let it be. You are the turning point of my life. The forty years old crises, very ordinary indeed. You pretend to be fine (happy is such a big word...), you pretend to accept the first wrinkles , the cellulitis and the nice tube around your core muscles (muscles? what muscles?), living proof of 4 beautiful children (oh it is so hard to admit that you don't feel beautiful anymore), and that your life is all about children, cooking healthy meals, driving the kids to school, to do sport, to the doctor, to their friends and...and...and... what are you looking for? I don't know... I am looking for a lost woman, who was long time ago a bright and creative child, who used to dream under the stars on a summer night in Rome, sensing the immensity and Pure Energy of Life. I miss that child...

So this is how it started. I don't expect to be very original but I ll be very honest, and in being honest I' ll surely be original, because everybody IS A STORY, a special, unique, incredible story. So I will write what I have become, or better the way I have met the missing child again  .  

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini

I DON'T KNOW WHAT A BLOG IS

Well well ... this is not going to be an ordinary blog! First of all because I am Italian and I  write in English, so there will be lots of mistakes. However, I decided to write with my soul and my heart and not with my dictionary. The second reason why this blog will be special is that I do not really know what a blog is because I am more likely somebody who travels in this world with a Moleskine in her bag (hey, I am a female breathing species of mammal , oops...Italian mamma) three more Moleskine in the briefcase and books books books, and pens of all colors to write according to my mood. So, I am this kind of dying species of human being that can write with a real pen on a real notebook  in a coffee shop drinking a cappuccino ( please note the correct spelling of the most popular coffee)  looking like a very inspired one. So I am not at all into web technology ( my dear friend Isobel, yes that is the right spelling, who is a genius in whatever is computer, put this blog up for me, GRAZIE MILLE AMICA MIA!). When we did it, I was feeling the wonder of a child in a toy shop and whatever she was doing I was WOW , and then again WOW, I mean you click here you click there and you create something so nice and special!Oh so easy...Though I still have to understand properly what a blog is... but I this is FANTASTIC! I strongly believe I can learn and become good with computer technology, because I believe in miracles so this can be one more challenge in my life. The actual one is how to have a nice lap top and not to drop it on the floor. I must sadly inform everybody that the lap top I inherited from my generous husband, fell down on the floor three weeks ago and it is still in deep coma: I won't dwell upon the accident's details, but we can all make a prayer so that I can get a new one from the same generous husband of mine... I could be incline to suspect that I am putting bad energy into the Universe when it is dealing with technology but I will amaze you, friends and future friends, because I will say that it has been an accident provoked but the law of gravity. Only physics not clumsiness...So, let's go back to the heart of the matter. I still do not know exactly what a blog is, and this is a good thing because I believe in the beginner's luck, but I do know that I want to write about the personal journey I have undertaken one year and a half ago because it can help lots of people; some friends of mine asked me to write a blog and yet I was not "ready". Now it is time to write, to come into action and see, together, how it happened that I have started to live with full awareness and spirituality getting rid of a kind of annoying disease that traditional medicine call cancer (ha ha coup de theatre, it is becoming serious), finding the courage to admit that I have got talent (and not only four children...) and that I HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MY LIFE.  There is quite a lot to start and this journey together will be like a roller-coaster because the best is yet to come.

Love & rainbow

P.S.: my name is LORENZA and the spelling is right; in Italian the female's names end with A , the male's with O. South africans are inclined to call me Lorenzo but I don't mind, my female's pride is untouched. Just to make it complicated when it could be simple, the italian proper name Andrea is a male name, whereas everywhere else in the world it is a female name. So I have just told you the exception to the rule, voila' !

Copyright 2009 Lorenza Verdini