I AM A BUBBLE IN THE SKY

It is a very intense time of my life where lots of things are happening.

I have been practicing the breathing techniques I have learnt with the Basic Course of the Art of Living Foundation, the meditation and yoga since July 2008. Every day. I feel I miss something if I don’t give myself that precious time. But somehow, inside, I was keeping the distance between me and the depth of spirituality; I was probably scared to let myself go.

I have always considered myself a free thinker and human being: never into any mental conditioning of politics or strict religion. Never listening to same kind of music; never hanging anybody’s poster on my bedroom’s wall.

Myself, my soul, my opinions, my ideas.

I found myself in the position of deciding if to attend the advanced courses, which are lead by teachers coming from India. I doubted a lot…I tried to find excuses to resist, then I let myself go.

I went first to Germany, over New Year time (see “There is only silence inside me, part 1 and 2), with no skepticism but also no expectations and then to the Buddhist Temple in Pretoria for another advanced course which was absolutely amazing.

Then, last week, starting on the day of my birthday, I attended another course, which is probably the most powerful I have done till now.

Here is the “tale” of my experience, the same way I recorded it in my journal.

DAY 1

I feel a little strange, still do not exactly what am I doing here. I was not supposed to be here, after all today it is my birthday and this course is too big for me. Big in its content, big in its purpose. I do not know what to expect but it is a Blessings Course and I feel a tiny speck in the midst of the Universe. The Divine and me.

I am here because Sangeeta told me to do the course and I felt a big will in this request. I felt there is no choice, I have to go. I could not even hang on the old stiff excuses that my left brain uses as a tool to make me give up: how can I do with my four kids? They have got so many things on and they need me… Suddenly a solution comes to my mind and I find the help and support of dear friends. And the kids are supportive and happy too.

As soon as the practices start I feel anxiety Am I going to cope? What is the course about? I honestly do not know why I am here, but I find the warm look of some known beautiful faces and start to relax.

After all it is only a month that I am vegetarian, I love drinking my cappuccino everyday and have some dark chocolate sometimes. I mean, I am very human… We do some processes in two or small groups that let us interact at a deep level I enjoy them, I love to feel this heart-to-heart connection. I like to get to know these new friends and connect with their souls. It is a strong bond, I cannot help feeling overwhelmed by joy The day goes by and slowly I start to relax in the warmth around me: friends, new friends, teachers, volunteers and that shining Light of our teacher Sangeeta. I find the new practices extremely powerful and detoxifying as I am going to the rest room at every break. The food is absolutely exquisite, I feel hungry all the time Ah, the smile of the people in the kitchen In the evening I am celebrated with Bibi and it is a very touching moment it is wonderful, so many beautiful souls are here, Guruji is here. I feel love. I feel loved… I don’t know if I can sleep tonight, too much prana running freely through my body…I feel I am in love…

DAY 2

Today the sadhana is more intense but I enjoy it. I enjoy this new sequence of asanas and at some stage I also feel proud of myself wow I can do the boat properly… I know this feeling comes from the ego but I cannot help feeling happy to be slightly more fit. The meditations are intense and some of them new, I experience times where my mind seems to sleep, other times where I am just cradled in the meditation, but no matter how it is, I feel I am having glimpses of the true me, my Source, my pure energy. I also experience tiredness but I know that so much is going on inside me. My soul is regenerating, is getting rid of garbage, is finding its true dimension. I am not completely aware of it , but I am connecting with the Divine Thank You Guruji for being part of my life.

In the afternoon we do a process that is honestly the hardest for me let’s throw out our untold fantasies…what fantasies? Where are they? I understand the importance of this process but still I find it toooooooooooooooooooo hard I am not sure I can make it, this is too much… Somehow I break the ice and the wonderful women, who are part of my group, contribute to this process, teaching me indirectly, spontaneity and tolerance. I understand my taboos and how critical I am with this hidden part of my personality. I feel, in my heart, lots of admiration for those Indian women who have never ever talked about this topic and open up their hearts .Still I find it very hard and something stays inside I feel bad, how can I talk about this?

Later on, we experience a very powerful process. What I feel, is indescribable, so I keep silent and I do not feel like talking about it with anybody. I feel spaced out, in another dimension but I guess many of us feel the same.

The same night we celebrate another birthday and the Satsang is explosion of joy and vibrations. Some teachers and friends come along only for the Satsang and I feel that the energy is absolutely powerful, carrying the love very far. Sangeeta smiles and sings with us, she is the portrait of bliss she is so beautiful…

DAY 3

It is the last day. What is going to happen next? What does it mean to be a blesser and committed to be connected with the Divine? I feel the solemnity of the moment from the preparation and the wait; we are all waiting for Sangeeta and some more teachers have arrived. My heart is pounding and I feel bothered by this feeling. I try to watch both pounding and botheration to let them go. Then I remember that I am not there to be a blesser but to go deeper into my spirituality, to intensify my experience. And I relax.

We need to clean up again the dark side of our desires and fantasies. Dark because it is not usually shared and we must be spotless. Oh no… I have to go through this again and we share something so personal and untold. Somehow I succeed in ending this process, still feeling very vulnerable.

Once we have finished our beloved teacher leads us through a Guru pooja and again through the Lam process. The Guru pooja touches the strings of my heart. I do not understand the words but I get the vibrations. I am moved…

The process is even more powerful than the previous day. When I lay down I feel a strong energy running throughout my body and relaxed. A couple of minutes later I start feeling energy in my third eye, like a laser beam of energy and suddenly an even stronger energy in my hands what is that? It feels like electricity and it is getting stronger and stronger. After a long while, this energy seems to decrease thank You Guruji for being part of my life, Thank You Guruji for being part of my life and the energy is back, stronger than before. It happens like that a couple of times, when the energy decreases, the thought of Guruji’s love makes it stronger. I feel nailed to the floor, I feel I cannot move. And I only feel happiness, no desires and no regrets in that moment.

Then we share our intense experience and everybody’s moved. Lots of people have tears of joy; they are dipped into Guruji’s compassion and love. Each of us has had a very intense and unforgettable experience.

Sangeeta asks us one only question, many times. I want to go but every time I want to stand up and go the energy in my hands gets stronger I want to go, I want to go… Any single time my mind puts in doubt the fullness of my connection with the Divine and the Master, the energy comes back stronger. I cannot move of one inch… My gosh what am I doing? What is happening to me? And the energy does not let me go. At the end of the process, I stay in the small group of people aware that I have got the answers and they do not come from my mind. I feel a little scared, I feel responsible now of my relationship with the Divine. But any time I think about it, I feel energy in my hands I am not alone and know, in my heart, that whatever situation I will be facing from now, my Guru is with me.

I burst out of joy.

SATSANG: Sanskrit chanting

SADHANA: spiritual practices (Sudarshan Krya –breathing technique + yoga+meditation)

ASANAS : the yoga postures

GURU POOJA: it is a prayer to all the Masters of the past, the present and the future

Love & Rainbow

Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini