IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF CHEMISTRY

Less than 100 days before the kick off of the FIFA World Soccer Championship.
I feel a kind of excitement all around. Not always the good one.

Road works are everywhere, the traffic situation is getting worse every day, traffic lights of the main roads don't work. The police is putting road blocks everywhere, at pick hours. I am sure they want to have the "crime rates" reduced to tempt more visitors to come and spend their money in this exotic destination. Johannesburg has a very bad reputation crime wise... But Johannesburg has also the most beautiful sky I have ever experienced, the most incredible summer storms and weather, the most amazing smiling people.

I decided, quite a while ago, that I was responsible of what I would see and sense living here. I have met quite a few unhappy expatriats who had to stay here for two, three years. Their attitude was to choose to repeatedly practise to complain the whole day long. They did not get good things from that. I feel it is just an innate attitude of being able to see the glass half empy. But the other half is full of fresh spring water.

I have a simple question today that probably will not find its answer. Why human beings have a strong inclination for negativeness?

I do believe we are born almost "perfect" in the purity of feelings and openess. As babies and small children we show to be open to life embracing daily experience with love and curiosity. Then, something happens, and things start going the other way round.

Children at school struggle to find their own balance, under pressure from performing in schools at the highest standards. The general culture is to divide kids in teams (A, B, C, D,.....Z!) and according to their marks. You do well , you get awarded. So probably schools put pressure on kids to meet the parents' needs of realisation. As young adults we need to fit the society's pattern and the more we "grow", the more we lose contact with our true selves, because we are living only outward. But Life is inwards.

Is is an EGO orientated society.

We need to classify things and people in order to feel SAFE. We need to rationalize everything in order to understand. Because we relate to the external world by understanding...And then we become slaves of the "judgment" thing. But to judge is looking for the half empty glass of water.

I actually believe that to become non judgmental is very difficult if not almost impossible but it is the highway to freedom. I was very judgmental and I was wrong. I thought that judging people and facts I was "free" to express myself. I really smile at myself, I mean my old self. I look at it like a worn jacket abandoned on a chair. Motionless. Lifeless. And I laugh, because the I am very alive and aware of the fact that I don't want to wear this jacket again.
What if I can accept people and things the way they are? What if I can live with no expectations from others, including my kids? I would not be bothered by the road works, but I would see them as the way to have a better service ; I would not think "bloody weather" but wow...it is cooling down, how wonderful.

I could see God in my kids, especially when they swim and end last or when they fail a test. Because by the end of the day they show me Love and that is what they are. And Love embrace everybody and everything. It is only a matter of chemistry.

Love & Rainbow

Copyright2010LorenzaVerdini

THERE iIS ONLY SILENCE INSIDE ME part 2

The silence is recharging and enriching.

I can focus on my energy; the natural inclination about “complaining” does not show up. I cannot put it into words and build up “stories” about it. I cannot say I don’t like people skipping the line for food or why are the teachers talking so loud while we must keep silent. I realize then that my irritation is inconsistent and it is not worthwhile spending more thoughts about those things. The lesson is clear I understand… We can really depict our daily life according to the importance we want to give to our words how much wasted energy every day in not being happy or complaining…

Twice a day, His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Guruji for the friends, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, comes to meditate with us, to share his Knowledge, to answer to our question. I find out that he is considered in the top five most powerful men by the magazine Forbes for his social commitment all over the world to fight poverty, illiteracy, wars, stress, diseases. All the process we are doing, the breathing techniques, the kind of yoga, the meditations come out of his consciousness. He is the creator of all this, after a long silent retreat in 1982. I also find out that there are 30 million people in the world who have done the basic course and scientific studies on how powerful and healing are those techniques. A very famous Indian doctor and writer, I won’t mention his name, wanted to buy the breathing technique for his very expensive Californian private holistic center. Guruji kindly refused saying that this technique is his gift to mankind and that everybody must be able to learn it.

I am very much impressed by this small man who smiles all the time and whose sense of humor is winning.

When he enters the room there are people immediately going to him I wonder why and showing respect and devotion. It does not take me long to understand. Again.

I have always considered myself a free spirit, a free thinker. I am someone who detests addictions of any kind, especially mental addiction. This feeling always made me distant from religious and political thinking since I could really start to think on my own. Guruji is above all religions and political thinking. His teaching of unconditional love and respect embraces all religions in the ashram there are halls for every religion so people wishing to pray can go there. His teaching of a war-free world embraces all political thinking well I am not really sure about this last affirmation…some people still love to play the game of war and make money of it but…I am confident the world is changing, I feel this wave of spirituality that is flooding the human consciousness. What do we all want? Food for everybody, education and opportunities, peace and respect our environment. We all want to find OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, what we are meant to be, expressing our full potential. We want to build a self sustained economy where there is space for everybody to interact…

I am waiting to see what kind of effect this tiny man is going to have on me.

I surrender. I surrender to this Consciousness who is living a small human body. I cannot explain why his knowledge makes sense to me; I just get it through my heart, it does not go through the rational part of my brain. I understand that Masters are the vehicle through which the Universe shares its knowledge with humanity, according to the mankind’s needs of that moment in the history of times. I understand the powerful message of Jesus and Buddha and all the others who have incarnated this knowledge in the past. I understand that the real Master is not holding the truth; he is only passing it on to us. That is why all He says makes sense to my heart.

I feel light hearted, I feel joy, I feel pure energy flowing up and down through my body. I feel like I have never felt in my life.

The little man does not look like the Guru in my mind: a Guru should be huge and handsome, a kind of intriguing man who flat out his devotees with a look. Guruji is not like that, he is small, normal looking, he smiles at everybody, regardless of the effects of his smile he is known like the Guru of Joy. His sense of humor is infectious it is a long time I have not laughed so much at somebody’s jokes his sense of balance is just pure tolerance: everybody can attend his courses even people like me who enjoy a glass of red wine sometimes and who are not vegetarian I don’t feel ready to give up my cappuccino yet. When the student is ready the Master appears Buddha said.

I am an eternal student and I am ready.

In the evenings there is the satsang session: it is chanting Sanskrit songs altogether. I have no clue of what the songs are or mean but by the end of the evening I find myself very committed and happy in the chanting. Young people all around are dancing, free happy spirits.

I learn something else: in the UK some private school have introduced Sanskrit as a language after 15 years of studies showing that the vibrations of the language increase the IQ and releases the stress it must be the reason why I feel so relaxed during the chanting… I was tired before starting I feel energized now…

I cannot keep the songs away from my mind even when I go to sleep. Even during my trip back home. I find myself chanting them in my mind when I am under stress or in a difficult situation. And I feel cheerful, like when I used to pray my guardian angel when I was a child I am sure that my angels understand Sanskrit…

The three S that are part of my life now are SADANA, which is the spiritual practices I do every day (yoga, breathing exercises, meditation), SATSANG and SEVA.

The O is ONENESS

The three U are UNIVERSE, UNIQUE and UNION

The three L are LIFE, LAUGHTER and LOVE.

This makes my S O U L.

Love & Rainbow

Copyright 2010 LorenzaVerdini

RAINBOW OF WISDOM

 

Just some quotes from books I have enjoyed. The rainy season has started; we are just under a huge rainstorm. Atypical, it should happen in the evening. Still so powerful and inspiring to be so close to the force of nature and feeling to be a tiny speck in the Universe. This speck, with his soul, can do miracles.

 

 

 

 

When I go about my everyday existence, I am in charge of two worlds, the little one in me and the big one around me. My appraisal of every minute detail “out there”, the sun, the sky, the chances of rain, the words other people say, the shadows cast by office buildings, is matched by an event “in there”. INFINITE CHOICE is open at every second for me to alter the shape of the world, for it has no shape other than what I give it.

 

There is no more beautiful experience than when the world expands beyond its accustomed limits. These are the moments when reality takes on splendour.

 

From Quantum Healing, Deepak Chopra

 

No matter what happens to you in your life, you alone have the capacity to choose your response to it. When you form the habit of searching for the positive in every circumstance, your life will move into its highest dimensions. This is one of the greatest of all the natural laws.

 

 

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary projects, all of your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamt yourself to be.

 

From The Monk who sold his Ferrari, Robin Sharma

 

 

 

When Michelangelo was asked how he created a piece of sculpture, he answered that the statue already existed within the marble…Michelangelo’s job, as he saw it, was to get rid of the excess marble that surrounded God’s creation.

So it is with you. The perfect you isn’t something you need to create, because God already created it…Your job is to allow the holy spirit to remove the fearful thinking that surrounds your perfect self.

 

Marianne Williamsom

 

 

Love & Rainbow

LIFE COACHING part 2

The Life Coaching experience has been a cruise trip for me.

I do not like open sea water but I am magnetically attracted by the landscape and the water’s sound.

If I have a nightmare, there will probably be a sea scenario involved. I cannot swim in the seaside, unless very close to seashore. Pure panic. I guess I was on the Titanic in one of my previous lives…

So, here I was on the open sea of my life, cruising without a real destination, in the ocean of the infinite possibilities.

 

Some days it was good. I was very creative, optimistic and self confident. Other days I could not even find my energy where are You? Where is my inner Voice? But it was really therapeutically good to be forced to face myself and my natural inclination to avoid taking steps towards my choices. I was becoming conscious of the fact that I had lived for so long only having ideas and never trying to realise them.

 

So my life became a potful of options, which gave me hope, strength, self-confidence but also fear, doubt. Everyday I would have different feelings and would change my mind periodically.

 

15.10.2008 Funny enough things can change with one thought. And why not, if the Universe has been created with one thought, my ideas can change with one evident thought.

And nothing stays the same: we change, nature change, every single cell, atom, quark in the Universe is moving, changing, working, building up, destroying, re-building up…

It is a cosmic dance. So it is for our thoughts and ideas. I felt I had finally found my way, but in a few seconds all I had built up in my mind as a certainty, has been blown down by a simple affirmation. And even if I did not like the affirmation, I must say it is right. I guess it is a good exercise for me to improve my flexibility to life’s options.

 

All the possibilities and ideas were welcome but I think at the same time were confusing me. But again, the strong desire for writing and the love for books were leading the list coming out strong and determined.

 

16.10.2008 I can do lots of things in my life. I can do well lots of things in my life. But if I do not think, what comes out of my heart is that I want to spend my time in between books…

I want my bookshop! I want to write!

 

I believe now I have realised what I am and will always be. I don’t know where the wind of life will blow for me. I do not know if my cruise has to come to an end, but what I know is that the Journey is stunning and I am a gifted person. Because I can see clearly the beauty and the talents in me.

 

If somebody asks me “what do you do in life?” I say, “ I am a writer”. I write, I am free, I am happy. No matter I haven’t published yet. I know what I am; I don’t care of what people think I am.

 

Maria is one of my best friends. I was supposed to help her, with this work, I guess I did. But she gave me much more in term of awareness, because she pushed me to write. 

And writing I got in touch with my Inner Voice.

Thanks Maria for helping me uncover the True Me.

 

I want to end this post with a thought I wrote in October 2008:

 

Self-esteem is the greatest act of unconditional love for ourselves. It means never give up and do our best whatever the feelings are, whatever our life is at the moment. It is not about the results, it is about the way we do things. I guess it is also living our life at its full potential.

 

Today the most beautiful thoughts from my daughter Clara “mum I am satisfied with my life. Thanks because you made me”

I do believe she was born knowing “the secret”…

 

 

Love&Rainbow

 

Copyright2009LorenzaVerdini

LIFE COACHING

Back again to my journey.

Once I finished my treatments and I was into yoga, meditation and breathing technique, I started to feel lots of energy what am I going to do now? I was feeling that my life had a new meaning because the message behind the cancer was so clear to me wake up now, it is time to do the things you love in life, be the person you WANT TO BE . But it was so difficult, after so many years of lethargy, to detect the sparkle in me. Because basically there was a huge fire works happening inside, while my normal life was still going on every single day…Mother, woman, cook, psychological supporter, taxi driver, doctor and so forth, I mean the Big Boss of my company (that is my big family…).

I was feeling uncomfortable and confused when my dearest friend Maria, who was studying Life Coaching at UCT (University of Cape Town) asked me” would you like to be my guinea pig”? Never in my life an animal was more appropriate…

So, feeling the biggest guinea pig in Joburg, I gladly accepted to undertake a very interesting trip and off I went for a jump back into my introspection…

We started to have regular meetings, which were delighted by good Italian cappuccinos.

The first aim of the coaching was to build up ideally the house of my broad possibilities, one brick at the time. To do this, I had to detect repeated patterns, mind and habits, taking notes on a journal, three times a day, pretending to have a mini-me on my shoulders that would watch my behaviours and thoughts. Basically the mini-me was the author of the journal…

30.07.2008 I keep in mind that I should write the children’s stories. I don’t want to let them go… I want to create and grow options. To help others, to grow spiritually, to express my creativity, to work. To study and learn things. What more? What am I good at? Writing, organizing, being related to people, I am serious, reliable, I do things with my heart, I am honest and devoted to everything I do…

It was absolutely extraordinary: I was going to explore the wide range of possibilities and feeling ABSOLUTELY LOST with ups and downs of energy, great ideas, huge doubts and fears. I was alone and free but also feeling missing because I was looking for the true voice in me, the one I had been repressing for such a long time… The goodness of the journal was undeniable.

18.08.2008 Very difficult time indeed where I feel lost. Many ideas and wishes that crash against the uncertainty of not having found “the one goal”. Still too many issues, I guess unsolved issues. I need to try to “unplug” my mind from the idea of finding what I want to do now. My feeling is that I have achieved almost nothing in my life because I have never built something. Something on my own…

A man will never understand deeply what kind of tearing a woman can have inside. Because “nature” and “society” put him in the position of having certain priorities and responsibilities. So it goes… and still, even trying to speak the same language, the starting point is different…

So if I were 95 what things would I like to have achieved in my life?

1. A healthy-fit granny body, to run after the grand grand children.
2. Intellectual blossoming and spiritual growth: having studied at University and developed the spiritual path.
3. Travelling: I should have travelled a lot, maybe 4 to 6 months a year, after I retired.
4. My base would be a big house in South of France where I could have the whole family around.
5. I would have published a successful book from which someone would have done a movie, Oscar winning movie.
6. My wealth would come from the book and my husband business.
7. I would feel like a 43 years old woman, because my life started at 43…
8. I would have been involved in the social and environment issues being more and more “green”.
9. Mainly I would have NO REGRETS for unaccomplished things.

During the life coaching work so many options and possibilities came out, it was like the child at the Wonder Fair “I like this, I like that” but I was also feeling bewildered. I was losing the only certainty I had had in my life till then, which was my choice of not choosing. I had let myself go to the stream of life avoiding taking position and stand up in what I liked and wanted to do in life. This was a leit motif and only now I was becoming aware of it.

20.08.2008 Facing the ups and downs of my mood and self-esteem is quite challenging; it is also a new way of treating life itself. I feel like I can detach from the problem and watching it, and it is something new. So I guess I can work better on it. The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes. My focus is shifting on studies that can give me the opportunity to write. The way to combine the wish for an intellectual growth and the desire of writing.

And writing is part of me.

The sessions with Maria were not only enriching and useful; they were a conscious jump back into my awareness.

12.09.2008 I’ve just had my session with Maria. It is very stimulating and intense; the exercises push me to think in a different way. To take into account different points of view.

As children we learn to stand up and walk and from that moment it seems to be the only angle possible from which we can observe and learn. It is incredible if a child or any person wants to lie down on the ground to watch the sky or simply to have another perspective. We never think “oh it is so beautiful to watch the world from here!” That is what has happened to me with my cancer experience: I found myself on the ground observing this experience from another angle. Ah what a blessing…I felt all my senses were more receptive and powerful and I could see through. I could see so well only because I lay down and decided to see from another point of view. I went beyond threaten and fear. I decided to trust my body and its wisdom. I decided my body is a gift. I love it and it loves me. This could have never been possible if I thought that I could only stand up.

This work went on for a few unforgettable weeks. Two options were absolutely recurrent: my love for studying and learning new things and the absolute and natural passion for writing.

So, one sunny day, I looked at myself in the mirror and said you are a writer, you cannot help it and off I went holding tight, with love, my mini-me.

This is only the first chapter of the Big Book of my Life.

Love & Rainbow

Copyright2009LorenzaVerdini