The verdict came 36 hours after the biopsy. Everything stated in the report was so easy to understand “carcinoma invasive, malignant cells blah blah blah “ exactly the same words as in Italian, I did not even have to bother with the language. Funny enough, as soon as I had confirmation of my forebodings, I started to let all the tension go. My GP was fantastic; she did not waste one second in organizing the communication with the oncology for the first important tests to do why am I supposed to do X rays and abdominal ultrasound? And blood tests? The first step was to make sure that the bloody stuff was ONLY in the breast why should it be somewhere else? I got a little tense in going for those tests because I hadn’t take into account that I could be worse than what I thought. I still remember the doctor at the ultrasounds, asking me why I was doing the test and me, replying in a low voice breast cancer… it sounded so unnatural to me…But it was time for good news: my abdominal area was clear as well as my chest area so I went out of the hospital exulting in my heart that the bloody stuff hadn’t spread all over my body.I sent my doctor an sms all tests negative, it is localised. One – zero for me: the match starts in my favour; let’s play it to win! I had to wait till Monday to see the oncologist so I decided to name my cancer Adolph and it is not difficult to relate it to the history of 60 years ago (I apologize with all the good Adolph in the world). I wanted to have the feeling of a face-to-face relationship with it I know where you are, I can touch you and I don’t care about you. I am stronger that you, you won’t harm me, I don’t care about you. I am not going to give you ANY ENERGY. I will talk again about this matter of not giving energy to it as it came out spontaneously but it has been the KEYSTONE in my amazing recovery.
We went to meet our distinguished oncologist, the best in South Africa, such a straight person that he will only tell the patient the truth about the chances of making it or not. He told me “just in time because the tumour is placed in the most dangerous sector of the breast if it had spread in the area there would not be treatment to try” You see Adolph? The Lucky Star is protecting me! Two-zero the score “but I can treat you”. At that right moment I gave all my trust in his hands knowing, by instinct, that I will be playing, probably, the last game of my life. I had one chance; I wanted to play my cards well. But I felt BLESSED because I still had that chance. I remember him listing me all the side effects of the chemotherapy that I was about to start in 72 hours time, ending with “but there are very few people who don’ t have side effects, except from baldness few people don’t have side effects, few people don’t have side effects, few people don’t have side effects… resounded in my mind why should not I be in those few people? I want to be one of those few people. We scheduled my first session of chemo for the following Thursday, in the treatment room. I still felt out of place but the reality of things was slowly penetrating into my consciousness. I looked around and saw many young people with their drip on and suddenly I realised something so crucial I am an ORDINARY story; I can only make the difference with my attitude. From that moment on I felt and decided I would have the right attitude.
No comments:
Post a Comment